[MightyMasc]

ok all im so confused, this could be long but i appreciate anyones help. i have been single for a year and recently quite happily like it. then at a contest recently a young man took a shine to me and has recently contacted me since and we have met up a few times. he is really into me and im just like hmmm not sure. my last relationship a year ago was bad, i was cheated on and not treated well, so since then iv kinda shut down to men.

this new guy, his attitude and how he treats people is priceless almost everything you would look for in a guy (he a sagattarius) but heres one problem. i am attracted to him but not as i generally would like in someone im interested in...i am a little shallow and generally go by peoples looks. i KNOW i shouldnt and im ashamed to admit it. this guy isnt seriously over good looking on the outside, but the inside he is. i dont know if i can be with someone who isnt generally my type. if he didnt make the moves, id still be happy single which i guess i still am. i hope im making sense....help me

[Nopayof]

I wish I could tell you what you want to hear but why are looks so important?

If you have a good time with him and he makes you happy and feel good about yourself then hang out with him. You don't have to make a committment or even say he's your boyfriend, but you can still have fun together.

You getting over the physcial aspects of a person is a lesson for you. To know that looks are not what matters. Your last one was very good looking and he cheated on you because his ego told him he was super hot. If you take a "not-so" goodlooking man, they are less likely to cheat because they do not have a huge ego problem like your last one.

This is not a reading but what I know from my life. You can ask for a reading in the practice den after you have 25 posts.

I hope you think about your posting though.

[shiciapsisy]

also not a reading, but posting from life experience:

take a look at your past relationships, particularly recent ones. how have those been for you? if you are unhappy with the way your relationships go, then perhaps "your type" isn't what is best suited for you. If you keep picking the same "type" the same things tend to happen.

Give the nice guy a chance! You may be surprised!

[Nopayof]

I agree. My husband was sooo attractive that I found women flocking to him. He was faithful to me (as far as I know) but his looks did not hide the fact that inside he was emotionally dead.

My current boyfriend had never had a girlfriend when I met him. He didn't ever find one that understood him. Then I came along. He is by no means attractive but his soul is sooooo wonderful that I really don't notice his looks.

This is probably a really shallow example but lol, its like getting a pair of really expensive shoes, but they hurt. Sure, they look great, but they just are not comfortable. But you get the ugly shoes to wear in the house and man, they feel soooo good but you are afraid to wear them outside because they are not as cute as the expensive shoes.

Its all about what people will think of you I'm sure.

[imawlBoli]

In my experience, it is when we decide that we are fine alone and don't need anyone else, and are living our lives for ourselves and our happiness that we find the person that will make us happy. It's like we draw it to us.

Remember, life is all about experience, and most importantly, sharing the experience with those around us. My advice would be to just have fun. Don't make anything official or too serious. Just have fun. Date. Hang out. Enjoy each other for everything both of you are, together and apart. If at any point it is no longer fun or is no longer making you happy, stop.

I know it's easier to say than to live by, but this concept has always served me well.

[vipbunter]

Sometimes we have to learn how to grow to love someone, it isn't an instant bonding. Why don't you both settle for friendship first and see how things progress from there?

[gymnAnemoe]

The old analagy that beauty is on the inside may apply here.

when one is beautiful on the outside they are often ugly on the inside.( not always lol)
and with time that beauty fades or rots and then you have ugly on ugly.

but when one is beautiful on the inside you often dont see their outside when you recognize how beautiful they are inside because it overshadows everything else. Inner beauty rarely fades but gets more beautiful with time.

give me a not so good looking guy that is pretty inside any day.....

When someone truly loves another they dont see the outer flaws they only see beauty .

[MightyMasc]

I did decide that i was fine on my own, that i didnt want anyone else. i had found i was happier on my own, better than having any hassle. i also remember what its like to be with someone else.

true in the past, its generally looks i have gone on. before the one that cheated on me, i was with someone for 4 years. it ended fairly rough so after those two (there was one or two more befre this, i havent had loads as i am so picky but...)i was like, nope no more for me. i appreciate and i am thankful for each and everyone of your posts. i think i'll be friends for a while, and see where it takes us.

im going to try and open up and let him in. i feel very much to myself, almost like i have a barrier up. i need to try and break this down...somehow

[shiciapsisy]

don't be so quick to tear them down. sometimes we NEED and require the time on our own to work on US, without having to deal with the pressures of a relationship.

I did decide that i was fine on my own, that i didnt want anyone else. i had found i was happier on my own, better than having any hassle. i also remember what its like to be with someone else.

true in the past, its generally looks i have gone on. before the one that cheated on me, i was with someone for 4 years. it ended fairly rough so after those two (there was one or two more befre this, i havent had loads as i am so picky but...)i was like, nope no more for me. i appreciate and i am thankful for each and everyone of your posts. i think i'll be friends for a while, and see where it takes us.

im going to try and open up and let him in. i feel very much to myself, almost like i have a barrier up. i need to try and break this down...somehow

[vipbunter]

I agree with polgara. Maintain your barriers until you feel confident enough to let them go bit by bit. You built these barriers because you were hurt in the past, that's a good enought reason to hold on a while longer. I feel it's always safe to distance yourself until you know what the future holds and gives you time to become stronger.

[12Jasoumemoobia]

I say enjoy whatever you have with him & don't worry about commitment Take things as they come. You may see him become more handsome on the outside as you enjoy the beauty that is on the inside of him. LOL & Blessings, Peg

[MightyMasc]

inside he is a totally gorgeous person, like everything you could every wish for. iv found that much out about him i think my barriers are staying up by themselves! its been a year or so i have been single, but in no rush to change everything, if it happens it does if not so be it.

im trying to see things in a new light as i know deep down its not about looks, he is by no means ugly however. confused......

[kranfid]

Running, the best advice from my counselor was: Give yourself a gift of time. Don't push yourself into anything. If he is for real, it'll be for real 3 years from now. I'm just wondering about one thing: Is he pushing you into something you are not ready for? If he does, then looks are not the problem, you have bigger issue there. Good luck, honey, just listen to your heart!

[MightyMasc]

gift of time...what a nice idea. love it no he is not pushing me either way, i said i am not ready to make a decision yet and he is totally cool with that saying take as long as you like, he is saying he is waiting around for me as hes never met anyone like me...

[EbrsaRynleot]

Sometimes the most attractive people on the outside have nothing to offer on the inside . My advice is not to rush into anything and just enjoy whatever you share with him Goodluck !

[Carol]

My condolenses go out to all the Ladies in the room who have been hurt by that attractive guy who has nothing to offer...I also wish to thank you for making me look into my relationship a little more a little deeper thank you for the post

Make sure not to hold on to the past for too long it may fester a little

God bless

[MightyMasc]

zintar...i hope all is well


I'd also like to bring to this discussion one other factor that is worrying me. this guy is about 5 years younger than me. im worried hes too young? what people will think?

[gymnAnemoe]

who gives a fat rat's ass what other people think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do not spend your life doing what OTHERS need you to do ...spend your life in service to you and helping others which does not require them to lead your life

sorry that was my emotion to your words

every guy I have ever dated has been 3 to five years younger than me.

age is just a number and yes I had trouble with it at first ...the what will people think then realized it was none of their business. Realized like everything else it was once again what some older people said was the rules; There are NO RULES...just LIFE TO THE FULLEST

old men been dating young women since the dawn of time
its not like you are 75 dating a 20 year old ...
and last but not least
unless they pay your bills they dont get an opinion on your life
except here of course tee heeeeeeeeee

[TessUnsonia]

I met my first husband when I was very young and looks were the main thing. He was very good looking however it turned out he was emotionally cold and not what I needed at all. Years on I met a guy who made me laugh and we were very good friends he was not the most attractive person but 18 happy years later I still love him and we give each other what we need. A person becomes more attractive as you grow together.
So give him a chance.
Love and Light
Caroleanne