[piramirra]

I was wondering what we do to attract what comes to us?

I consider myself a good person who lived through the idea that if i didn't need it then share. I always thought that when I was able to, i would do all in my power to help whomever was in my path needing help.

But I must be doing something wrong.

For example,

I first moved into an appartment and chose to introduce myself to the neighbor on the right. She turned out to be recently divorced, suffering a breakdown cos she lost her career and self-esteem through the process, and turned to welfare insurance.

Within the first meeting she had her skirts up showing me her recent scars from having a hysterectomy and cried telling me she could never have kids.

Over the next year, I helped her financially (for her meds and food), gave my free time (helping her get a job, taking her to the food bank, being her FRIEND)

Turned out she robbed me, and I found out she had conned others in the building.

How could i not have helped her I SAW her apt. she had NOTHING, needed food and friendship.

Next is the ex husband who sponged off me saying we were in it together during the rough times, then cheated on me and left cos he no longer FELT like being married.

In every job i get, the mean,control freaks who need someone to pick on are attracted to me and i find myself feeling like a victim and defensive.

I loaned a friend of mine an inspiring piece of artwork to help him het through tough times, he later sold it and moved away without notice

At 8 months pregnant, I found out my boyfriend with supposed anemia and or sleep disorder was a heroine addict, cleaned out my bank account, threatened my life and admitted that he had been using me for my kindness.

Finally when I was a kid, i used to make sandwiches for the poor and hand them out downtown, but stopped when i realized they were just throwing them out as soon as i turned around.

When do we help, how do we know? i don't want to be a doormat but don't want to be cold. And I DEFINITELY don't want to keep attracting bad energy.

[LarryRda]

Hello, A. H. ... I wanted to make sure this got a reply because it's pretty important.. I've checked back to this thread a couple times, but I really don't know what to say.. I feel the same way.. of course, I haven't been through all of what you have, you've totally got me beat on that.. but I have had similar experiences within relationships, at least as far as friends go.. I've sacrificed a lot of my peace of mind because I wanted to see my friends feel better and do well, and I have my own issues. I won't go into detail here.

There was a discussion somewhere in the forum a while back about gratitude, and positive energy.. I think you'd like to read it, so I'll go look and if I find it I'll put the link here.

Edit: Here's the link, I found it. http://www.spiritualblessing.org/For...t=appreciation

[GarryPaterson]

I completely agree with Mecca.. you do have a heart of gold.. so don't let yourself fall. It would truly be a shame.

[sitescools]

i agree with all you have a big heart. I also tend to want to help people with the physical things money food etc. but i have learnt now that sometimes just a little advice is more helpfull eg no food well then I would help them to find a source9information) to get food, not use mine. Imformation I find is more helpfull and if they are to lazy to use that imformation then I can no longer help them for the way I think if I give it over to them that is the easy way out for them, and most of the time that is what they want, and those people tend to have a knack for finding people like us. And you would probly find that you would help more by giving imformation then doing it for them. Dont beat yourself up over this just change helping tactics if that makes sense. anyway that is my 2cents into it.

[uMG6uOSo]

I'm sorry all of this happened to you It is a shame darkness like that exists in this world.

I work with teenagers who are "at-risk" meaning they had really crappy lives. They will manipulate and use anyone they consider to be kind. They see all people as out to get them because..well..the primary ones in their lives did get them. So they turned their heart to stone and bleed people for all they are worth and instantly target kind people. These issues run very deep and no amount of food, money, kindness, or love will ever change them because they can't recognize kindness. They see it as you are trying to manipulate them and they will always fight to keep the upper hand. So there is nothing you can do for them that comes from kindness. But it really bothers me when people take others in thinking that love and kindness will "cure" them when they put themselves in tremendous risk. These people cannot even recognize or conceive of love or kindness so they rob, abuse, etc them because they see them as weak and stupid (very frank but true).

What can you do to help them? Like pathseeker stated you have to set limits with them and tell them where to find the food, money, furniture, etc. You will notice that they will never get it the "right way". Their greatest need is to use people/drugs/alcohol. Telling them no teaches them that it is harder to use people than to get it in a more respectful way. It also keeps you protected which is way more important than anything else. It also models self-respect and that people can be kind but not exploited.

I know this sounds harsh but it is very very honest. They are only like this because they were horribly abused as children and taught that the world is eat or be eaten. They did not like being the prey so now they are the predator. If you really want to make a difference, child abuse prevention is the most effective way to combat this occurance. Unless something drastic happens in these peoples' lives they will always exploit the kindness of others.

To answer your question, they are drawn to you because they see innocence and naivety. They see you will give them anything and you do. You need to be aware of the warning signs that someone is out to exploit you and lifting your skirt at any point in a relationship is definitely one of them. Keep yourself safe and stay far far away from them as there is nothing you can do to help them.

[piramirra]

I am real grateful that I got replies to the post. Thanking you for your time and reflection. While we usually know the answers to our own questions, some (ME) are too stubborn to listen.
Others' experiences and insight always helps with perspective.
Thanks again Silent Wonders for the link. Appreciated.
Thanks again ALL for saying i was a good person and not ripping into me for being (obviously) naive and wishing i lived in "WEAREALLGOODPEOPLELAND"