[CowextetleSix]

hello,

i have been following along reading posts on this site for a few months and decided it was time to finally get into the pool and seek some advice. first of all, i just wanted to say how great it is to find a place such as this website and this forum.

i have decidedly chosen to polarize down the service to others path and in doing so have come up with a few guidelines to help me out along the way. i try not to call these beliefs because a belief can be a very dangerous thing in this world of constant change and can act as a serious detriment to knowledge acquisition. they are more like rules/guidelines to help me get back on track whenever i get tangled up with my life situations. among those rules are these two, which have been the subject of much debate:

・ you are not responsible for the feelings or thoughts of another. you cannot make them feel anything. you cannot hurt them. you can however influence/invite them to feel a certain way and influence/invite them to feel hurt through your actions and words.
・ no one outside of me is responsible for my feelings or thoughts.

(they are, of course, one in the same)

so, let me explain this using the classic love triangle. girl a, who is the girlfriend of boy b, sleeps with boy c, who turns out to be the best friend of boy b. well, unless boy b has spent a good deal of time learning the ways of self-mastery, he will probably be in a very dark place for a little while, depending on how much he cherished both relationships. now, did he get hurt? this is where most people would say yes and be ready to immediately dismiss anything said that could be conceived as contrary. my opinion however is that he did not get hurt, but he chose to feel hurt himself. now the girl and the best friend could be seen as inviters. they are inviting him (with a pretty please and a cherry on top might i add) to a very dark place full of hate, jealousy, regret, etc., but depending on his level of self mastery, he can decline that invitation and remove himself from the situation.

[i could use a different example if it suits the moderators]

it is my opinion that the world invites you every single day to feel certain ways. the news, your boss, your friends, your spouse, your children, on and on. while it is true that these people can quite often be inviting you to “the dark side”, each invitation is actually dual sided. it is also an invitation to self mastery. do you want to go up or down? the choice is always yours.

trying to take responsibility for the feelings/moods of another in anyway is, in the end, not possible. after several relationships and careful viewing of the world around me, this was one conclusion that i came to. whenever someone does finally ask me about my views on relationships and i tell them this and try to explain it to them, everyone says that i am nuts and that no-one would wanna be in a relationship with someone like me unless they were someone like me which apparently is pretty rare.

so, i guess i’m just lookin for a bit of feedback. is this actually a good "rule of thumb" for an aspiring sto entity to live by? or am i just kidding myself? i actually wanted to expand on this, but realized i could probably write a 5 page essay on it and still not cover everything. there are other guidelines that i have come up with besides these, so if you are interested, please let me know. we’ll just start from here for now though. i look forward to hearing any opinions on this. thank you in advance.

kensanwa

[Vzkdgdqx]

kensanwa,

a good post, i agree with you a 100%. what you wrote is how i feel about things. we only hurt ourselves when it comes down to it. and if we find ourselves in a horrible situation, well, we put ourselves there (consiously or subconsiously)!

one 66

[CowextetleSix]

thank you. after being told that i am wrong by nearly everyone i discuss this with, i must admit it is a relief to finally hear someone agree. most people tend to agree with this to a limited degree, that is, as long as they are looking in on a particular situation and not actually part of it. their opinions change radically when they are a part of a particular situation.

there is another issue that i have trouble dealing with which arises from this simple rule. if you follow this line of thinking out for any one entity, what you end up with is someone who is able to feel an amount of love for any person at any time in any situation that perfectly reflects the amount of love that the entity has for itself. because the entity is the doorway for love and does not rely on outside situations, it must have attained a good deal of self-mastery, which is a great thing for anyone in my opinion.

in fourth density, which this planet is rapidly becoming, that will be "the norm." however, we are still in third density, only slightly, but still we are. now, most third density entities are still stuck with old paradigm ways of thinking. when in a relationship, i am sometimes asked "do you love me more than....?" or "how much do you love me?" to me, both questions are irrelavent because there is no "more" or "less" when it comes to love. there is only one love, which then leaves all of your intereactions with others up to the different ways in which you choose to express the level of love which flows through you.

for example, my co-worker and my mother. there is always an equal level of love. the expression of the love that i have for them is different because their roles in relation to me are different and so is what they desire from me. that is a simple situation. a more complex situation, and precisely the point where i begin to lose myself in all of this, is when the role that two or more people have is the same (in relation to you) and the desire that these people have is also the same, such as two potential mates.

an entity following this guideline would be able to treat these two potential mates with it's highest degree of love and respect while interacting with both in the same way.
in fourth density: could be a good thing and likely normal.
in third density: absolutely not acceptable.

can someone tell me either how to live by this guideline while still in third density and actually maintain a mated relationship or where i made a wrong turn in all of this? thanks.

kensanwa

[aideriimibion]

beautifully said. now what i am wondering is why you are doubting your thoughts, they are so beatiful. in my opinion you are very right. everyone is responsible for their feelings and thoughts. it is noone else's fault you feel hurt. everyone has the power to make a decision, to choose whether they feel hurt or whether they look at things differently. most people blame their feelings on others because it is easier to do so, than to actually own up to their decisions. "she got me angry", "he made me upset", lalala.....noone got you, you allowed yourself to become angry or feeling the way you do. maybe you can pass on the rest of your thoughts, im interested in knowing what they are.

[Vzkdgdqx]

kensanwa,

perhaps girl a and boy c are meant to be together and you happened to be the one who brings them together. you love both equally... so do what makes you feel at peace within your self. there is no love without sacrafice.

one 66

[aideriimibion]

i think that if everyone loved each other the way they love lets say their mother or whoever they love most in the world then the world would be much different. a big problem i see is that people will do things for their family that they will not do for anyone on the street.there would be no homeless if there was endless, infinite, unconditional love. there is a trust issue with loving people all the same because you do not know their intentions but if we could communicate telepathically then that would not be a problem because you would truly know everyone.

[kilibry]

@ken :

you can't. not unless the others involved are as mature as you are about it, because you will be inviting them to the dark side if they aren't. also, be perfectly honest with yourself about how you would feel were you on the opposite side of whatever arrangement you are currently considering.

i struggled with the idea of polyamory for a long time, and finally came to the conclusion that, even if it's not wrong, it's best for me to refrain out of compassion for the girls who would suffer otherwise. also, it's good training for the soul to learn how to invest deeply in one person at a time.

[CowextetleSix]

sorry for taking so long to respond. i am in japan and so more than likely on the opposite day/night schedule from most people in this forum.

beautifully said. now what i am wondering is why you are doubting your thoughts, they are so beatiful.

thank you for that. well, i guess the reason i am having a few doubts about this line of thinking is perhaps because its so different from the thinking of everyone else in the world around me. most people that i interact with cannot handle being around someone like me. to them, i seem rather cold hearted and uncaring simply because i follow my desire, intuition, and free will and dont do what they want me to do. i am currently in a relationship. me and my mate had a discussion recently in which this topic was brought up. in the end, i ended up telling her that i could look upon another with the same level of love and acceptance as i do her. i could even do sexual things with another without decreasing the love that i have for her in any way. when she asked me why i dont then, my response was because that is what i choose not to do. it all boils down to free will. when she heard that it was only my free will- not some magic spell, or divine feeling that i could only get from her or some particulary trait that only she possessed-was the reason that i chose to be with her, she seemed to be deeply confused and became a bit on the sad side, abruptly ending the conversation as well.

i guess my point is, i dont want to be a trigger of suffering for others. i know that we all create our own suffering and that the point of suffering is to attain self-mastery, but still i cant help but not want to be a part of that. whenever i apply these guidelines to relationships with people who have not even remotely considered such things, i am "the devil", or so i'm told.

maybe you can pass on the rest of your thoughts, im interested in knowing what they are.

sure. there aren't very many, and a few of them are a bit redundant. the reason for that being that these come from seeing what works and what doesnt in actual life situations, not just in my imagination. sometimes you need a different angle to the same thing to see it clearly.

・stay in the present moment, as much as possible
・never act from (because of) the imagined feelings of another. (ex: because he will be angry with me…, or she will be hurt….etc.)
・you are not responsible for the feelings or thoughts of another. you cannot make them feel anything. you cannot hurt them. you can however influence/invite them to feel a certain way and influence/invite them to feel hurt through your actions and words.
・no one outside of me is responsible for my feelings or thoughts.
・do not help others unless they ask for it first. even then, help in the way that you see fit for the situation, which may or may not be what they are requesting of you.
・always think/act from a position of love　rather than fear or pure reason.
・remember: your truth is not their truth

i am always looking for ways to evolve and adjust, so let me know what you think.

be well,
kensanwa

[CowextetleSix]

i struggled with the idea of polyamory for a long time, and finally came to the conclusion that, even if it's not wrong, it's best for me to refrain out of compassion for the girls who would suffer otherwise.

that's where i think that i am headed as well. i have been considering this for a long time, and i don't think that it is worth the pain and confusion that i would/could be a cause for.

it would seem that this particular thought/guideline works well for some situations and not so well on a deeper level, which is exactly why i try not to turn things into absolute rules or beliefs.

[aideriimibion]

kensanwa,
i totally understand everything you say. it is so difficult for others to understand that type of love in which is one infinite love without conditions. on a different note, alot of people get stuck into the world of cheating because they express love for two people but where they go wrong is that they are being deceiving if one person does not know. if there is a mutual agreement that one is going to be with one person and they cheat, then they are being deceitful. there are also open relationships in which people agree that they will have more than one partner. it all comes down to the choice.

・stay in the present moment, as much as possible
・never act from (because of) the imagined feelings of another. (ex: because he will be angry with me…, or she will be hurt….etc.)
・you are not responsible for the feelings or thoughts of another. you cannot -make them feel anything. you cannot hurt them. you can however influence/invite them to feel a certain way and influence/invite them to feel hurt through your actions and words.
・no one outside of me is responsible for my feelings or thoughts.
・do not help others unless they ask for it first. even then, help in the way that you see fit for the situation, which may or may not be what they are requesting of you.
・always think/act from a position of love　rather than fear or pure reason.
・remember: your truth is not their truth great guidelines!!they are so truthful.
can you emphasize on
-do not help others unless they ask for it
-your truth is not their truth?

i understand do not help others unless they ask. i used to do this alot. give people advice when they did not ask or just try to help someone that really did not want to be helped which in result infringed on their free will.
people think im cold hearted because i am that way now.

let me ask you something? i have issues with sharing my love but with setting my boundaries. i am either cold or very loving to the point others use me as a door mat. how do you love without letting others step all over you?

[Alex]

in my opinion girl a acted on self serving/service to self energies, which are negatively polarizing.

boy b was given catalyst and the opprotunity to choose which path to take.

boy c also took part in service to self actions. (knowing girl was with his best friend but putting his well being aside by choosing lust over compassion)

the girl should have ended the relationship with boy b before engaging in relations with boy c. thus not commiting adultery.

this is, of course, assuming that boy b was in this relationship under the idea that it was monogomus.

if boy b knew girl was sleeping with other people then it shouldn't matter much who it was.

sexual relations can transmit the energy of any ray, though i find it difficult to believe that someone who is sleeping around is doing so with the highest moral intentions and using the sexual encounter as a rejuvinating/spiritual experience.

i believe it would be lust driving the decision, which is a red/yellow ray energy (depending on dominance/submission levels as well as the vibratory complex of both members involved) and not in line with higher energy vibrations which i suspect most in this community are seeking.

continue spiraling ever upwards,
austin

[CowextetleSix]

kensanwa,
wow! that was a perfect explanation. thanks. so lets say an sto person lives with an sts, or works with and sts. what ends up happening in these types of relationships? if the sts is absorbing energy, then the sto would eventually breakdown and lower its polarity?
there are some guidelines one should follow in relationships with sts beings. what would you suggest.

well, an sto entity and sts entity living together....sounds like an interesting experiment. no seriously though, this does often happen, but not in the sense of conscious sts or sto. people who havent yet awakened are in a state of fluctuation between the two, but dont consciously choose either one, so in a big sense dont know what their doing.

if the sts is conscious sts, and the other person/people are not, then of course he would either dominate the environment, or remove the others if he cannot dominate them. if he can do neither of those things, then he will in all likelihood leave, which would result in a loss of polarity.

if the sto is conscious sto and the other person/people are not, then of course he would try his best to find the path to love, service, and integration, while respecting other's free will. perhaps offering to teach the others how to interact peacefully with the environment and other inhabitants or how to find peace within themselves.

if both entities are consciously aware of their path of service, then one or the other is going to lose polarity in the long run. as to how exactly it would happen, depends entirely on the situation and the particular entities levels of truth (level of polarity). both of these entities would follow the basic "rules" of their chosen path, no matter what the situation or the relation of the other entity. could be a father and son, brother and sister, president and citizen, etc. and it wouldnt make too much of a difference. the sts entity does absorb energy by taking and taking and taking, but when he faces an entity that knows how to protect himself from that taking and will not be dominated, no matter how much he is beaten, treated unfairly, or deceived chooses to respond with love... then the sts entity must give up or remove him from the situation.
one important thing to remember is that love has no limit. you can give it away a million times a day and it will always be there to give tomorrow. if the sto entity is persistent in the giving of love and the ways of service to others then the sts entity will not be able to stand it. the sts would then intensify its methods or remove the sto (fire,divorce,kill...). if the sts is persistant in his attempt to dominate, then in a way it become a game of tug of war...

i have no advice for someone who is sts in this situation. for someone who is sto, the best thing that i can say is what i have already said: dont fight the darkness, just be the light. if an sto entity gets caught up in the games that the sts entity plays, then he will lose polarity, and if he cannot regain his footing, he will be dominated. just give love and be love. it is extremely simple, but may not be so easy, depending on the situation and the entities involved.

hope this helps,

be well
kensanwa

[CowextetleSix]

great guidelines!!they are so truthful.
can you emphasize on
-do not help others unless they ask for it
-your truth is not their truth?

*do not help others unless they ask for it
well, as far as helping people goes, i find it helpful to divide it into two categories: helping and assisting. assisting is when you aid someone in a task that they are likely to accomplish on their own at the present time. helping is when you aid someone in a task that they are unlikely to accomplish on their own at the present time.
example of assisting:
a man who is handicapped has been trying to roll his chair up a curb for awhile and is having a difficult time doing so. if no one else is already doing so, i would of my own free will offer to assist him. this man is attempting to do this on his own and the direction that he is headed is relatively clear. examples like this can be seen everyday from the elderly trying to cross the street to children trying to reach something on a high shelf. even when assisting, one must still take caution not to assist where you are not needed.
example of helping:
lets say you notice what appears to be a homeless man on your way home from work. this man doesnt say anything, but looks at you as you walk by. being the kind natured person you are, you reach into your pocket, fish out some change and place it in his tin can. this is what i call helping, as the man's present situation places him as unlikely to generate money (he is just sitting on the sidewalk) without your intervention. this man is not trying to do this on his own and the direction that he is headed is relatively unclear. examples like this can also be seen everyday, but the heavier cases usually dont present themselves on a daily basis. if he didnt ask you for any help, he might throw the coins at your head while shouting "you think you're better than me!?" or "people like you ruined this great country.." (sorry, past exp). if he did ask you for help, instead of giving him money, it might be wiser to go buy him a decent meal, as he might use your change to score some cheap liquor, which would not necessarily be what you intended (i hope).

of course, these are two very general cases. when you start getting people close to you involved, like friends and family, it becomes a lot more complicated, or so it seems. i find that even then, if you remove all the extra circumstances and just look at the basics of it, it can usually be revealed as either you assisting or you helping.
this is just a guideline to help me out when things get heavy and i need to take a step back. if you have a better way of dealing with these types of situations, please share as i am always looking for ways to improve myself.

*your truth is not their truth
this was actually told to me during a state of deep meditation by my guidance. it took me a while to understand exactly what it meant, but once you do it's kinda obvious (i guess its always like that though...). anyway, what this refers to is not actually having different truths (there is only one truth just like there is only one love), but having different levels of truth. i think ra themselves even say that two beings are rarely or never at the same level of truth. what level of truth you have attained so far dicates pretty much everything in your life, from who you talk to and what you talk about to what you do and what you seek to do. me, you, and nearly everyone on this website have undoubtedly attained a particular level of truth in order for the things that we express here to make any type of sense or to be applicable in our daily lives. as your level of truth grows, you find yourself bending more and more toward the light (or the dark depending on which path you choose). this guideline was given to me at a time just after my "awakening" experience when things that were as clear as daylight to me were not even registering with anyone else around me. no matter what i said or did, they just could not catch what i said, no matter how plainly i said it or what i showed them. even if they did hear me, they had absolutely zero interest.
everyone is awakening. some people are doing it at an extremely slow pace, while others seem to know who they are on a pretty deep level already. everyone is on the same scale, just on different levels.

let me ask you something? i have issues with sharing my love but with setting my boundaries. i am either cold or very loving to the point others use me as a door mat. how do you love without letting others step all over you?

that can be a very tough thing sometimes. the way that i see it is that you have to remember that acting from a position of love and respecting free will also includes...you. you are a human just as everyone else with free will and love just as everyone else. remember that self-love is just as important as love of others. that's not self-love in the sts sense, but a call to remember that you cannot serve others if you dont have a strong basis of love for yourself. with that love of self comes respect for your free will. dont step on your own free will. you know what it feels like when you doing something unacceptable or past the line in the name of helping others. you will lose sto polarity if your actions are seen as encroaching on the love and respect that you have for yourself. i hope this makes some sense. if not, let me know. i'll try to explain from a different angle.

i appreciate all the feedback on this post so far. if anyone has any questions or opinions, i'd love to hear them.

be well,
kensanwa

[aideriimibion]

kensanwa,
thanks for taking the time to share the truth with us all. you are of great service. your insight is helping me see things better. i think the path towards light is not easy but if one just remembers that everything is a choice, a simple choice then one can make conscious choices that will aid one in the path desired. i can ask you a million and one questions, do not want to overwhelm you with questions but can you define sts vs sto?

[CowextetleSix]

i can ask you a million and one questions, do not want to overwhelm you with questions but can you define sts vs sto?

well, i would say that the probably the best definitions for what is service to self and what is service to others would be the one that you give it after searching through the relative information. i think that reading the law of one would be a good start, though it can be quite tough to understand at times, especially if you are not used to reading information of that nature. there are people out there that i'm sure can give you much better definitions for this than i could, but i'll give it a shot...

once an entity has reached a certain level of awarness/truth, he/she will "awaken" to the choice that is the heart of third density: seeking to know the creator by serving and loving others or seeking to know the creator by serving and loving the self.


sto vs sts

its selfless vs. selfishneess
its sharing vs. hoarding
its acceptance vs. control.
its love vs. fear.

an entity who has chosen the service to others path seeks to know the ways of love by serving others through qualities that most consider "good", such as love, honesty, sharing, acceptance, etc. an entity that has chosen the service to self path proposes that only he/she is the one creator and that the only love is the love of self. this entity seeks to have other serve him/her by utilizing qualities that most would consider "bad", such as fear, manipulation, deception,etc.

if an sto entity cannot control you then he/she must remove you from the scene or risk losing polarity. it is for this reason that when sts and sto encounter each other it becomes an issue of polarity. the sts entity must either dominate the sto or remove them without sacrificing anything while the sto entity must find the love or see a path to service without being dominated by the sts entity. sticky situations. the sto entity, when faced with this, would do well to remember that you cannot/should not/need not fight the darkness. all that you can/should/need do is to turn on/focus on/be the light.

simply put,
sto=wholeness/integration
sts=seperation/exclusion

this is an extremely basic definition of these concepts. they are covered much more in depth throughout the law of one material. if there are any questions or if anyone wants me to expand any further, i will give it my best shot, so please let me know. if you can expand on this basic definition...be my guest.

jadde44- i am very happy to be of service, if only through words on a forum. i myself have about 10 times more questions as i do answers, but if the knowledge that i have acquired so far can help out another, i welcome your million questions any day. every question that you ask forces me to think a bit more deeply about the concepts that i think i know. fire away anytime.

be well,
kensanwa

[aideriimibion]

kensanwa,
wow! that was a perfect explanation. thanks. so lets say an sto person lives with an sts, or works with and sts. what ends up happening in these types of relationships? if the sts is absorbing energy, then the sto would eventually breakdown and lower its polarity?
there are some guidelines one should follow in relationships with sts beings. what would you suggest.