[Saqwnht]

hey all,

i have a wonderful story to share. i will try to keep it brief.

this past sunday my future stepdaughters got into a huge fight and one of them left the house. its been a long time coming, but it boiled over big time.

the one that left was very upset, claiming no one understood, cared for, or loved her. she left screaming and threatening suicide, etc. this was around 11 in the morning.

obviously i had plenty of "damage control" with my fiance and the remaining stepdaughters. one lives with her dad and only visits every other weekend, but she was there and i thought it right to include her in conversations, saying things along the line of "what are your thoughts on this?, etc." i thought it was good to include her.

later that day i had my ritual sunday get-together with my group of friends. on nice days we pitch horseshoes, others play darts, poker, etc. it was around 5:30 that evening that i took the initiative to reach out to the "runaway". i even said "i have to save her", because again, she was saying some pretty disturbing things.

i took the opportunity to simply show empathy and love - not argue, etc. at first she came off "i don't understand, this and that", to which i replied "you're right...no matter what, i want to help and that i love you..." i think i must have said i love you about two hundred times since sunday...

taking a non-confrontational approach i was able to engage her in a text-message conversation (hey, what can i say, thats how kids communicate these days! ). anyway, looking back, i was able to bring her enough comfort for that day...

yesterday was still filled to the brim with worry and emotion. i reached out again that morning to make sure she was ok and again, let her know i loved her, etc. i also was able to spend time with the other daughter who was just as emotional, but not "acting out". eventually "the runaway" and her mother, my fiance, began to talk - of course, the fighting broke out again (she was wanting to understand and work through it, etc.). this of course upset the other daughter, so it was another "bad night". i texted the one that was away, sending her hugs, not making judgements, telling her i loved her, etc. i even texted her just before bed, wishing her a good night sleep.

well, this morning they both were scheduled to work at the same time - certainly a situation that made both of them uncomfortable. we were holding our breath...

early this afternoon i was able to focus solely on my fiance, getting her to vent, talking things through with her, bringing her "back down", so to speak. then i suggested meeting up with "the away daughter" for dinner, as now i've realized i'm the only one not trying to understand or force things, but just being a supportive, unbiased figure - almost third person.

it turns out they were able to talk things out and she's back home - all four of us are going to dinner tonight!

the reason this is such a miracle is that this daughter, when she's made her mind up, will runaway. she ran away from her biological father's, then two other places, before coming to live with us. not that she's a bad kid at all, quite the contrary. just someone who is having a rough time adjusting to life (she's 19 - sis is 17). they're growing apart, but again, i'll never understand that - first i didn't have that close a sibling, much less a guy cannot know the bond between sisters.

so, she pretty much made up her mind. no to mention all the talk about suicide, etc. it was a very scary situation - and for them to even get close to talking to each other and her coming back so soon is just shocking. needless to say, i've been pretty dumbfounded...

now, while i cannot take direct credit for anything here, i do think that the way i chose to respond and my focus on sending to love to someone who at the time felt none, did help. i've even said quietly to myself, this is my first miracle!

well, thats about it for now - there's alot of healing to be done - i will continue to meditate on guidance of how to "manage" this. hope this story made you smile a bit and think about the true power of unconditional love.

art

p.s. - i purposely left names out to protect identities - my apologies if this has made this post difficult to read

[avaiptutt]

what a great story, art. it’s difficult enough being the mother of girls that age, but a step-father!

i have to agree that a non-confrontational approach where you show empathy and love works just about every time.

the ladies in your life are very lucky to have you.

thanks for sharing.

[ROYMANgo]

thanks for reminding me how strong unconditional love can be, art. i really needed that right now.

[DebtDetox]

what a story, what courage, you trusted your gut and went with it. blind faith, hope and patience working together. your heart must feel good as it should. enjoy the family dinner for 4.

hope this story made you smile a bit and think about the true power of unconditional love.

art

[ZZtop]

blessed be the peacemakers.

i needed to hear that story at the moment. it is heart warming.

and i agree with you that to by totally non-judgmental and loving is the best way to allow people to heal themselves.

great job. sounds like you are the rock of the family.

[leareliovag]

well, from one human to another, i must say "i love you" too. way to go. healing one corner of one persons heart is a healing towards the whole rest of humanity.

thank you for following your heart instead of what our heads may have been taught to do.

thank you for following your hert instead of ego.

thank you for the definition of a sto act.

[Saqwnht]

just a few more things to add...

after i had heard that things were getting better i took the time for a meditation, to "recharge" and express graditude. needless to say, it was a very deep, powerful, and restorative.

most of that afternoon i had a physical sensation in my chest - likely the heart chakra open. i have this sensation frequently, but this is the most centered it has been. and, it wasn't "painful" like the others, just there...

in one of my evening classes i had a discussion with a student who is going into counseling/therapy - led to a discussion about empathy. i'll have to keep my eye on him - he is surely to awaken pretty soon. all i can do is be available for conversation, but at least i know to be ready.

dinner was great - everyone was happy, smiling - girls were cutting up like the old days. my fiance and i are still pretty amazed at how quickly things moved. still though, there are issues to work out which will take effort and time, but i'll keep asking for guidance on how to "manage" without infringing upon her free will, etc.

thank you all for your kind replies. to some, this story (as written) may result in alot of "duh's", but this was an approach i haven't taken before. usually its either been too indirect (which gives the impression i don't care), or too direct (in which i get wrapped up in the fighting). this experience seemed to have the right amount of everything - again, all i did was focus on unconditional love and trying not to solve the problem, but rather being supportive no matter what... :d

art

[mr.videomen]

awesome art!

thank you for sharing!

[citalopram]

that was a great and touching story. =)