[Rexaviennatutr]

pardon my life history here, but it all seems interconnected. this seems like a good spot, since i identify with the wanderer ideal. since i have come to david's site and read about the ascension, i have been seeing a sort of a blue vortex in my minds eye, waiting, summoning.

good or bad entities?

there have been about 4 times in my life that i have felt really connected since the age of 13. i am 51 now. each time i have crashed and endured a series of incredible bad luck afterwards.

the first time , when i was 13 i dreamed of having knowledge, nothing esoteric, i just wandered what it would be like to know everything. that desire manifested into a philosophy which led me to believe that at my ripe age, i knew everything worth knowing. it was very profound considering that i had never read anything much about philosophy at that age; however, when i first learned to read at 5, i was fascinated with mythology books.

the philosophy had to do with eliminating dualities. basicly, to live in love, not to accept the reality of hate. i programmed my mind in this fashion and really freaky things started happening! synchronistic events began almost as fast as i could think of them. for example, i would think of a friend and there he was in traffic. it was almost as if what i was thinking was happening. my ego took off and i thought i had found the secret of the universe! eventually, reality reared it's ugly head and i realized that there was a real world out there. the fascinating thing was the incredible luck that i was experiencing. it was as if everything was going right. well, when i came down, i experienced the opposite-extreme bad luck!

the next time, i felt this way was when i fell in love physically. i had always been overweight and shed over 100 pounds. i know what it feels like to be famous, but i have never really done anything in the limelight. i would go places and people would line up to talk to me, which was strange. this was an unrequited love, so i really was out there, connecting with other people to get over the pain. i can't say that i ever had any bad luck here, but eventually i became so surrounded by negativity, that my flame slowly flickered to almost non-existant slowly for about five years.

then i fell in love again. this time it also didn't work out. it was hugely intense. more synchronicities. words and music started coming to me. i felt like i could almost ascend at any moment. this person made a pass at me and i refused. i have to gel on things. this is when it all hit me in an epiphany. no matter what i tried, she was hurt and she just wrote me off. well, eventually i had to leave town, so i went by to see her and i had this feeling or thought that if i just blew my brains out right there that she would know how much i was pining inside. it was just a thought, i'm not that impulsive. so i went out to a club to have a drink. it had been at least 7 years that i had been practicing temperance. when i got to the bar, the female bartender was the only one there. she told me that i reminded her of her last boyfriend; and get this---he blew his brains out in front of her! then she went on about how he had been a satanist. i am no satinist! the point is that this was another synchronicity that was literally telling me something. then the sychronicities started happening around her. i would run into her at the most bizzarre places. i finally left town and i was 300 miles away at a gas station and here she comes riding down the road. she didn't know i left and i didn't know she was out of town either. what are the odds of that?

before this, i started writing at her bar. i would be sitting next to someone and i would write a little poem about them on a cocktail napkin. i did this for fun for a few weeks;and then it got to be where when i walked in people would throw cocktail napkins at me. it seems that what i was saying struck chords and everybody wanted theirs. i started counting outright predictions about people and i was right consecutively for 17 times before i stopped. just little things like sun signs, pet names; etc. i got tired of it and was focusing on computer programming and became a hermit. my luck again faltered.

here we go again. i fall in love and it all happens again. now i get into tarot and it is remarkable how well the cards work. my son finds this illuminatti site and it says that if you want to join just think about them. this was a party so i made a joke out of it out loud and said ok, illuminatti contact me. they did. i was writing a cartoon for fun. i had not even put it on the web. i got an email from an international cartoon publisher with nothing but a picture of a spinx and the words, "how are you doing david?" well i didn't respond. this time when i came down i got put in a world of hurt. i was misled into a destructive marraige and my world fell apart again. i had constant bad luck for almost 2 years.

ok, so i get over all of that after about three years and one night i hear a faint voice in my head say "you will return to whole" oh boy. the next morning i find the girl i wanted to blow my brains out for on the internet after 14 years. i mention some song lyrics to her in an email. that day she is listening to a cd in her car and the cd ejects by itself and those exact same lyrics started playing from the radio! this amongst a ton of other synchronicities. we met and things again didn't work out. this was recently and now fate is once again slapping me everywhere i turn. incredible negative synchroniciites, like losing your money in a coke machine and then finding another coke machine and the same thing happening twice in a row with different machines.

regressing a bit and remembering when i was really young, i had unusual superstitions. once i felt as though i knew how many times i had rotated my body to the left and that i had to rotate right so many times to keep in balance. (lost track a long time ago!)

i have distinct memories back to less than one year old. i would only talk to my cousin in jibberish until the age of 4. my parents were starting to worry about me. even though my father was a medical doctor, i would not willfully take any kind of medicine. that seemed really foreign to me. i always felt that my body could heal itself naturally.

i grew up in a southern antebellum house(usa). when i was 3 years old, i had a dream where three blue luminescent orbs in a triangle circled the dining room table 3 times before coming towards me. i was paralyzed on the floor. i used to have to navigate along side of the dining room to get to the kitchen. i would run like hell to get past this room. i felt safe as long as soon as i got to the kitchen. it was as if this thing had to be near me to cause me to freeze. however; i always associated it with divinity.


i used to swear there was an alligator man in my closet. when i was 8, i saw a huge ufo. up until 17 i had 100% recall. in a near death vision, i was visited be my first love who died in fire a few years earlier. i will always remember her advice. i was meant to enjoy life; and, i was taking it too seriously.


i did not fit in at all as an adolescent. i always figured it was because i was such a nerd. so, i used my empathy and learned how to react to what i thought was the average adolescent in their own terms; and, i became quite popular. but it never worked for me. i was a part of every group and a member of none.

later in life, i learned how to answer questions with questions and i am still a good friend to people of all walks of life. some of my friends don't like that i hang out with other friends, because they are so different! it is hard for me to take a position one way or the other in this world. i see all sides of a situation. i have always seen the light in every human's eye and i have always known and said that we are all connected.

i am not too materialistic, even though i have had everything i ever really wanted. i travel a lot and possessions are a hinderance. i get tempted sometimes, but it is hard for me to do things for myself. it has to be for others and a beneficial situation.

i have dreamt that i can fly, drift across the floor without moving my feet kinda sliding, twice that i died and watched myself, and once that the moon became so big that it started dropping out of the sky. also, i get advice in my dreams that i never remember. i have had frequent occultic/paranormal experiences and coincidences that have blown the mind of anyone who really knows me. my brother says that it follows me around.

after my mother died, i came home one night and three jiggers from the bar were laid out in a straight line 15 ft apart along the living room floor. i slept in her bed one night and when i awoke the next morning, a huge love chest at the foot of the bed had been turned upside down. everything that was on top of it before looked like it had not been touched. it was as if the stuff levitated, the chest flipped over, and then the stuff lowered itself back into the same position. now, the most chilling thing for me and i know this is negative. the phone rings and i feel the worst presence of my entire life. on the other side of the phone is a goat that sounds as if it is being sacrificed. the horror went down my spine and into my feet! pure evil. after this , i went to school for three years and studied so hard that i left no room for anything but left brain science. many more paranormal things have happened on and off in my life.

i had one obe where i was headed to the center of the universe. what seemed like a few minutes was in fact a few seconds.

once someone got angry at me and i told them to keep their glock in the glove box--guess what? they had one there.

i hear music in my head. sometimes complete symphonies. finally, i am trying to learn a little theory and an instrument to get it out. sometime i feel that i am above the world and beyond it. i have a place in the sky called davespace where i can go, thats all mine and it is absolutely beautiful. i can entertain myself anywhere as long as it's not hot! i have always felt like i have a calling and that i can change the world, even though i know it is futile. for me alone anyway. the spiritual feeling has been with me as long as i can remember.

the reason that i am writing this is because i don't know if i am blessed or if i am cursed. getting mixed signals. i choose the right hand way, but it seems that the higher i ascend the harder i fall.



dave

[nvideoe]

first let me welcome to the dc forums! it looks like you just joined us. you sound very much like a libra from your description. you definitely fit the definition of a wanderer, have you taken the test?

have no fear, the strange and odd experiences will continue and with increasing frequency as we approach this awesome time in the history of humanity. we all are changing and evolving on a daily basis, faster and faster as we approach spontaneous transcendence.

you are in a great place here. we are a community of varied, but like minded individuals who, together, may be in the process developing a social memory complex. i think i can speak for all of us in issuing you our warmest welcome.

namaste,

[Rexaviennatutr]

oh, thanks,

i am definitely leo, but i have a pisces moon which is an interesting combo.

i would like to say that my luck seemed to turn around from nowhere today, so maybe you guys that are empathizing with me and helped some. also, i remembered to be here now. so, i broke out of dwelling on the negative a bit. thankful for that.

yes, i took the test and the results were 86%.

dave

[cajonnmu]

wow. thanks for sharing so much, dave. you and i seem to have some commonalities. why don't i unload in similar fashion for you:

when i was three (two?) i remember waking up in the middle of the night, walking to the cellar stairs, and floating (!) down. tried to float back up, couldn't do it, so i had to walk back up the usual way.

until i was a teenager, i refused to accept that i would never be able to fly. it just seemed so basic an ability, i couldn't conceive of not being able to do it.

when i was sixteen, the obes started. i would wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, vibrating, every molecule in my body seemingly singing, and i would start to rise slowly. i have always had problems with over-anxiety, and these seemed to remain in force outside the body as well as in, so i never made it very far. i would always freak out and --snap!-- back behind my eyes again. later, dark entities began to hang around during these spells, and completely turned me off of the idea as i was scared enough without them announcing their presence with screams or the sound of somebody urinating menacingly on my floor. (really! creative little buggers, these.)

finally, i awoke one night to the vibrations hitting me hard, against my will, and before i could reorient myself in my body, what felt like a tree trunk hit me from underneath and propelled me up and out -- and held me there! it let me go after i directed warmth and love toward it, and i fell back into the body, but was immediately pulled back out again. the second time i sent love its way it let me go and seemed to give up trying and left me alone to wake up normally. when i was falling back i experienced two simultaneous viewpoints - i saw, at the same time, both the back of my head rushing up to greet me, and the headboard, stationary, in front of my physical eyes.

that was it. no more obes for me. a year or so later, however, i woke up to a large entity in my room, sharpening butcher knives and talking about "cutting my cord." i was paralyzed, but flew into a rage and screamed at it that i was here "for service, not sacrifice!" this was before i got into the ra material. my artwork at this time became repetitive: people ripping open their own chests to let black demons fly out.

years later, after graduation, i was out on the porch, smoking a cigarette with a friend when i noticed a misty shape - the head and shoulders of a man - coming out of the dark towards me. i stopped mid-sentence to track it, scaring my smoking companion (who was familiar with my idiosyncrasies and deduced what was happening from my expression) and it disappeared after a few seconds. i went to bed that night feeling strangely that i would not wake up the next morning.

i spent my dreams that night traveling the world with a tall, silent man who always stood behind me to the right, and who never told me his name (nor did i at any point seem to think it necessary to ask him), greeting the newly dead and "orienting" them to their new status. i remember clearly asking one man if he had any regrets. to my surprise, he answered "no," which was a big shock, since at that time i thought that everyone held regrets when they died.

a few years later, i was meditating in my room. i suddenly felt a dark presence in the room with me. instead of feeling afraid, however, i felt like someone had connected a firehose to my back and was shooting water-energy, through me, at it. i stood up and began to speak to it with my thoughts. sorry. not speak. yell. i just went house on this thing and started lecturing it angrily about how it had forgotten its creator and where it came from. i felt like the angel of freaking death for those one or two minutes. nothing could touch me. nothing could come near me. sweat poured out of my skin on this cool, breezy evening as if i had been running in a sweater at noon in mid-august. all the muscles in my body were tense and shaking - but in a good way. i felt more than alive. i felt like a solar system stuffed into 75 kilograms of flesh and seconds away from bursting free.

eventually the thing faded away and the firehose slowed to a trickle, then shut off completely, leaving me feverish and covered in sweat.

i have been able to reproduce the vibrations, shakes, and sweating at will since. although i don't do it often. the last time was at a reiki meeting i went to. it was my first time giving energy, and the priest who organized the affair was behind me, "feeding" reiki energy into my back whie i was supposed to channel it into a man lying on the floor. since it was my first time, i didn't know that reiki is supposed to be a mostly gentle, passive affair, so i said to myself, "hee hee - wait till they see i already know how this works," and started charging up and feeding into the guy in front of me.

the sweat started running down my face and body, and the shakes came. once i pull the energy up out of me, it seems to take on a mind of its own and cooperate with me by pushing itself out. so i'm not always 100% in control of this. (which, incidentally, is the most thrilling aspect of it) after i had removed my sweater due to the heat and was shaking pretty visibly, the priest stopped me and told me that i wasn't supposed to force it.

"oh. whoops."

the cool thing was, after i stopped, i noticed that the priest had broken a respectable sweat on his face as well! that, and the shivers that came on after. i went from boiling hot to freezing cold in a matter of seconds as my body scrambled to reclaim some of the heat it had radiated into the room. i pulled the sweater back on as quickly as i had lost it minutes earlier.

i never fit in either. i have a habit of meaning to convey a really positive meaning to somebody, but then i say it the wrong way and they get the opposite message. or i say it too strongly and they get weirded out.

my greatest romantic/spiritual attraction was to a girl who lived with me for a summer. she was so nice and so polite that at first i thought she was a big fake and didn't like her. then i found out that she just really was that positive. then i realized that that's probably the same reason i weirded people out. anyway, i'll never forget the moment i really fell in it for her. there were a bunch of frozen hamburger patties in the fridge that my old housemate had left there before he left. i wasn't eating a lot of meat, and neither was she. so what to do? "i know!" she says to me. "let's go feed the homeless people!"

bam.that would have been the first thing i would have thought of and the last thing (i thought) that every other human being on the planet would have thought of. and she nailed it in a second.

from that point on we were like two sides of the same coin. the only problem? both of us were already involved with other people. we wrote letters to each other (while living in the same house!), went out and did fun, innocent kid stuff together, and had some really great moments, moments where you sort of start to feel "right" again, like you've found somebody from your own country, finally; but then she moved away with her fiance and i went back to school.

i did not adjust well to the loss of my new best friend. but all that is too long a story for here. suffice to say that the friendship ended suddenly some months after.

when i was a kid, i used to believe that i could only turn right and would avoid turning left by turning 270 degrees to the right instead. i would always step into a room with my left foot so that my right foot would be the last one to touch the previous room.

for the longest time, i felt unable to do anything selfish. things only worked out when i kept my actions oriented towards others. to the point where i'm still trying to make up, careerwise, for the extent to which i neglected to prepare myself in school for the future. i can't even count how many dreams i've had where i've died anymore.

i don't think you're falling because you're flying too high; it seems that your bad spells only come after you refuse to accept an opportunity that perhaps you should accept. the girl who made a pass at you, the contact from the cartoon publisher that (who knows?) may have led to a fun career. maybe somebody is trying to get you to turn around?

anyway, good luck. i know it feels like a bad movie sometimes, but hold on - i hear it ends well.

[Rexaviennatutr]

what a trip! i had forgotten. i actually jumped off a flight of stairs in that old house at 4 or 5. i knew i could fly-with-the-right-attitude. i came tumbling down and luckily i rolled when i hit the first stair and landed at the bottom unhurt.

yeah, i hear ya about the limitations. the illuminatti thing felt eerie and scared me actually. and the time that the girl made the pass at me i was in another relationship in which we shared complete honesty, so i gelled on it. i have slid on a lot of opportunities that just didn't feel right. i have that incredible luck and sometimes things just land in my lap. i always wanted to be an artist, but in my family only the girls were good enough for that! ha. yeah i could be anything i wanted as long as it was a doctor, lawyer, indian chief or successful business man. i have been a workaholic for long enough. i decided just this year to give myself what i always wanted. after all my son is grown and i am single again. so i am learning a guitar and a keyboard. i have always written songs and poems, but i hope to learn to get the music out that i hear with the lyrics.

oh, and i've also had what seemed to be a grim reaper thing. this thing snuck up behind me and i heard these claws on the floor and then a foul odor filled the room. i didn't see it, but the presence was huge. i snapped up off of the couch and it was gone. also, had the witch sit on my chest where i couldn't breathe. sleep apnea.

well you have had some very intense moments. i appreciate your story and feedback.

good luck with the catching up from helping others, but remember that bread thrown on the water of life has a way of comin back at ya!

dave