[seooptiman]

By Rick Reilly of ESPN. I hate it when people try and be cool about Canada. They always end up looking like fucking douchebags.

I think he was trying to be nice to our neighbor to the North.

He coulda just gone aboot another routine and dissed Canada with several references to 'hosers' and Bob & Doug Mackenzie...eh.

[neguoogleX]

who's Rick Reilly anyways?

as a Canadian I'm glad that I'm not like him.......you know....arrogant and misinformed.....

[zlopikanikanzax]

[arreskslarlig]

Pass the poutine.

The greatest thing to ever come out of Canada. Rumor has it the bistro across from the RBC Center here in Raleigh now serves poutine because the 'Canes players demanded it... I need to verify this.

[Haftdrarp]

What about fuckall?

[OccumCymn]

who's Rick Reilly anyways?

as a Canadian I'm glad that I'm not like him.......you know....arrogant and misinformed.....

He's a former writer for Sports Illustrated.

Dude's a *humorist*; don't take him seriously.

He's actually a very good writer and pokes fun at lots of things. He's known for trying different things then reporting on it. (ie driving a race car, acting as a rodeo clown, driving the Goodyear blimp)

He parted ways with SI and now Dan Patrick writes a column for them.

[Oxzzlvpg]

By Rick Reilly of ESPN. I hate it when people try and be cool about Canada. They always end up looking like fucking douchebags.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/colum...ick&id=4906756

It's always so cute when Canada hosts an Olympics. Canadians try so hard. This comes from living next to America and having an inferiority complex worse than Tito Jackson's.
For instance, it's rained every day I've been in Vancouver, athletes are starting to withdrawal because of pruny fingers, and Canadians feel terrible. They're always saying "Gee, sore-ee about the rain, eh?" Do you realize they've been helicoptering snow up to the mountain venues? Who does that?

These people are nice. Preposterously nice. Aunt Bee in mukluks nice. This is a country that has human-chomping grizzlies on every corner and yet chose the furry beaver for its national animal.
Here's how nice: Twice already, Canadian mogul star Jenn Heil's bus has broken down on the drive up from Vancouver to Cypress Mountain. And both buses were from California! Peter Judge of the Canadian Freestyle Ski Association was quoted as saying after the second time: "It was a bit of a concern." A "bit of a concern"? If it had happened to an American star, they'd have made everybody responsible stand against a wall in front of a running 2010 Prius.

Anyway, I think Americans who come to these Winter Olympics should try to be nice back. You can't be nicer than Canadians, but you can try. Here's how:

• Do not talk about hockey. A Canadian team has not won the Stanley Cup in 17 years. This is possibly because there are no more Canadian hockey teams left. OK, that's not true. Still, if Canada doesn't win the gold in men's hockey this time -- something it's only done once since 1952 -- fans here might all throw themselves under stampeding moose.
If your birthday is August 9, always look at the ground, shake your head and add, "The day Wayne was traded."



• Use the "organics" recycling container in your hotel room. This is one of 14 recycling containers you'll find there. The mind recoils as to what you're supposed to put in the "organics" can in a hotel room, but the little sign says to put "meat, poultry, fish, plants and flowers." That's weird. I always leave my poultry in a gift bag for the maid.
• Speak Canadian. ATMs are ABMs. Street hockey is "shinny." Butt is "arse." Beer is "brew." Stuff is "whatnot." Newfoundlanders are "Newfies." Never say the "g" in "ing." And yay is not a cheer, it's a measurement, as in: "I'm lookin' for my malamute, about yay big and yay long?"
• Call Vancouver "Van City" or even "The Van" but do not call it the name it hates: "No Fun City." It IS a fun city, except that a lot of the bars close at 11. In the morning.

• And it apparently NEVER STOPS RAINING.
• Use abbreviated words whenever possible. For instance, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police becomes the "RCMP," which becomes "the Armsee," as in the sentence: "I sure hope Bode Miller doesn't get pinched by the Armsees this Olympics. I got 10 Loonies on him."
• Abbreviate your new friends' names, too. Hamilton becomes "Hams." If your friend's name is already short, add "er" to it. This is how you get a sentence like, "Let's go play some shinny, eh? You be Gretz and I'll be Nasher."

• Compliment their national anthem. It's way better than ours.
• Pretend that you have to plug in your engine block at night to keep it from freezing, too. Makes them feel better.
• Go to Tim's (short for "Tim Hortons") and have a double-double (two creams, two sugars) and some Timbits (donut holes) and stand around and talk about curling. This will be a welcome topic. The Canadians are still great at curling.
You: The boys oughta do priddy good, eh?
Him: Oh, sure. The sweeps are beauties.
You: You thinkin' they might be winnin' and whatnot, eh?
Him: Boy, would that ever be neat!
• When referring to Elvis, be sure its Stojko not Presley. If you're talking about acting, don't forget the god of all Canadian thespians -- Lorne Greene from "Bonanza." If your birthday is August 9, always look at the ground, shake your head and add, "The day Wayne was traded."

• Never say "said." Say "goes," as in: "So Lindsey goes, 'I'm freezin' way up here in just a bikini.' And I go, 'Linds, it's a bitchin' career move!' And she goes, 'K, but it's colder 'n a Newfie's arse up here!'"

• If you're a snowboarder and you snap your neck in three places doing your Double Fakie Ollie Grab and they're putting you in the ambulance, smile and go, "It's fine! Canada's got free health care!"

But if those bastards say anything about their dollar being worth more than ours, slam them in the nose with your organics can.

[cafeviahe]

• Speak Canadian. ATMs are ABMs. Street hockey is "shinny." Butt is "arse." Beer is "brew." Stuff is "whatnot." Newfoundlanders are "Newfies." Never say the "g" in "ing." And yay is not a cheer, it's a measurement, as in: "I'm lookin' for my malamute, about yay big and yay long?"


This is the part I don't get. To me it is an ATM. Shinny is a game of pickup, not street hockey. I never use the term "arse". Ditto for brew.

Maybe its just people in Van that use these terms. We'll have to wait for eventstructure to verify for us.

[ssupermegatone]

• Speak Canadian. ATMs are ABMs. Street hockey is "shinny." Butt is "arse." Beer is "brew." Stuff is "whatnot." Newfoundlanders are "Newfies." Never say the "g" in "ing." And yay is not a cheer, it's a measurement, as in: "I'm lookin' for my malamute, about yay big and yay long?"


This is the part I don't get. To me it is an ATM. Shinny is a game of pickup, not street hockey. I never use the term "arse". Ditto for brew.

Maybe its just people in Van that use these terms. We'll have to wait for eventstructure to verify for us.

From the things above, I use some of them and kno ppl who use the expressions I do not. Neither I nor anyone I kno is Canadian.

[crumoursegemo]

• Speak Canadian. ATMs are ABMs. Street hockey is "shinny." Butt is "arse." Beer is "brew." Stuff is "whatnot." Newfoundlanders are "Newfies." Never say the "g" in "ing." And yay is not a cheer, it's a measurement, as in: "I'm lookin' for my malamute, about yay big and yay long?"


This is the part I don't get. To me it is an ATM. Shinny is a game of pickup, not street hockey. I never use the term "arse". Ditto for brew.

Maybe its just people in Van that use these terms. We'll have to wait for eventstructure to verify for us.

That's the part that bugged me the most.

RCMP is better than saying Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Do Americans say Federal Bureau of Investigations instead of FBI? I don't think so and who the hell says "armsees".

Tim Horton's is Timmies too. I don't like it when people call it it Tim's. But that's just me.

I always shorten people's names, doesn't everyone?

[Tainlyferfara]

I do, Shmu.

[Vagtlaldo]

I do, Shmu.

Same here, fah

[Karlmarks]

Same here, fah

a long long way to run

[Numbiydq]

a long long way to run

D'oh!

[leareliovag]

That's the part that bugged me the most.

RCMP is better than saying Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Do Americans say Federal Bureau of Investigations instead of FBI? I don't think so and who the hell says "armsees".

Tim Horton's is Timmies too. I don't like it when people call it it Tim's. But that's just me.

I always shorten people's names, doesn't everyone?

You know when he said armsees he meant the pronunciation of RCMP, like about/aboot, right?

Shortening names was a reference to hockey players nicknames I assume.

I didn't find the article terribly annoying, but inaccurate.

[TeNuaTe]

You know when he said armsees he meant the pronunciation of RCMP, like about/aboot, right?

Shortening names was a reference to hockey players nicknames I assume.

I didn't find the article terribly annoying, but inaccurate.

I think more people call them mounties then anything.

[mv37afnr]

Pass the poutine.

[delnisfernan]

That's the part that bugged me the most.

RCMP is better than saying Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Do Americans say Federal Bureau of Investigations instead of FBI? I don't think so and who the hell says "armsees".

Tim Horton's is Timmies too. I don't like it when people call it it Tim's. But that's just me.

I always shorten people's names, doesn't everyone?

And here I always thought that was more a 'hockey' thing.

When i was playing, guys would shorten the names of the others on the team and add a 'y' to it.

"Smithy...pass it here!!"