[SaraKonradtt]

It's time once more for the Wintertime Olympics -- three marvelous months where all America may collect before the tv set to look at American Idol. But during the commercials, some people will also tune directly into the Winter Olympics, a quadrennial opposition that answers, once and for several, issues that burn in the minds of each genuine sports lover, such as: (1) Who'll maintain ''bragging rights'' as the world's best in the in-patient, run and group Nordic Combined? (2) What, precisely, MAY be the Nordic Combined? (3) Who the hell would be the ''Nordics,'' anyway? We're going to discover, whilst the Cold temperatures Games are under way in the attractive Italian town of Turin (or, because they call it in Italy, ``Vienna' '). It's really a international gathering of players from all around the world, except for anyone elements of the world situated in Africa, South America, Central America, Australia and large areas of Asia. The activities formally started Friday evening with a memorable starting service, climaxing with the illumination of the Olympic torch by Italy's best and most precious skiing champ, Wayne Gretzky. (Note to editor: Please check always this; I nodded off throughout the 2nd memorable hour.) I wish I might be there to report on the Olympics personally, but so I'm staying house with our child, Sophie, my spouse, Michelle, a real sports writer, is there. When I was putting Sophie a plate of Lucky Charms, the telephone rang; it was Michelle, quickly telling us to switch on the Today show, the other day. Therefore we did, and we found Katie Couric selecting Scott Hamilton. ''I am directly behind Scott Hamilton!'' Michelle yelled in to the telephone. ``Can you see me?'' ''Yes,'' I said. Affirmed, there she was in the history, waving wildly at the camera with the other and holding a cellphone in one single hand. I and Michelle have frequently made fun of simply because they all seem like horrible, no-life nerd losers, people who do that on the Today show. ''Do I seem like a horrible, no-life geek loser?'' she said. ''No!'' I said, since I'm not really a total fool. However the point is, I'm perhaps not personally in Turin. None the less, I've organized the next manual of Cold temperatures Olympic Events to Watch: NUMBER SKATING: In this challenging and dramatic activity, difficult skating maneuvers must be performed by competitors while dressed as swans and carrying enough make-up to spackle a four-bedroom home. And these would be the men. Their scores are entered by judges right into a computer, which determines the outcomes utilizing an objective medical method, after simply because they CHEAT which the Russians usually win. BIATHLON: This fun game was created by the Norwegians, known as ''The Yuckmeisters of Western Scandinavia.'' Rifle-toting competitors ski for a time, then shoot at targets, then ski some more, then shoot some more, then ski some more, then shoot some more, then ski some more, then shoot some more and etc until France surrenders. THE LUGE: Competitors carrying Spider-Man outfits lay on their backs on small sleds and drop the run. Those who endure (about 8 %) are tested for drugs. They're declared legally insane, if they don't include any. THE SKELETON: This is the luge the same, except rivals move headfirst. The honor champions remain on a specific ''booster'' podium since once they cross the conclusion line and struck the preventing hurdle, their health are squeezed to the peak of a Pringles can. CROSS-COUNTRY CURLING: In this difficult activity, rivals, applying brooms to clear the way in which, race to see who are able to function as the first to slip huge rock across Italy. SKI-JUMPING WITH CELEBRITIES: This is just a new activity, launched this year to enhance TELEVISION reviews. Rivals are sent down the ski-jump ramp, frequently making deep grooves for the whole period using their claws, then rise in to space, where they experience seriousness. The seriously preferred U.S. Group includes Erik Estrada, William Shatner, Nicole Richie, Lieutenant Uhura from Star Trek and the naked man from Survivor. BROKEBACK BOBSLED: This really is another new activity, about which little is famous, apart from that, based on International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge, it ``involves sheep.'' Obviously these are simply a portion of the Wintertime Olympics shows. You will see lots of other motion in activities such as for instance the 500 meters, the 750 meters, the 1000 meters, the 1,250 meters, the 1,300 meters, the 1,325 meters, and the 1,325.874 meters, to mention just a couple of the more fascinating measures. NBC is preparing 17,000 hours of protection, and you'll not need to miss just one moment. Therefore tie your self in to your Barcalounger and benefit from the present! And if you are actually seeing Katie Couric, and you visit a brown-haired girl in a light-green parka in the back ground, holding a phone and waving at the camera, I've no idea who it's. http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/13849007.htm