[soineeLom]

My husband and I have been invited to my first Bar Mitzvah. There is the ceremony with lunch afterword, as well as a catered party the next day.

What is an appropriate gift from a couple? We are very old friends of the child's parents, but they're not among our "inner circle" of friends.

I'm clueless. Is $100 about right?

[bitymnmictada]

Ya, $100, maybe a small token gift too, if you like. Something that would have relevance to you & the child, like say you have a private joke, or a shared experience.

I personally like to give the mother a gift on these types of occassions. She did more of the work than the kid.

[Seeseeskeva]

Leave a $20 and don't write your name on the card. Times are tough!

My husband and I have been invited to my first Bar Mitzvah. There is the ceremony with lunch afterword, as well as a catered party the next day.

What is an appropriate gift from a couple? We are very old friends of the child's parents, but they're not among our "inner circle" of friends.

I'm clueless. Is $100 about right?

[bobibnoxx]

$100 is plenty from a friend of the parents.

If you want to impress them give a multiple of $18 or something like $118.

The Hebrew word for life is chai (pronounce hi with a hard CH at the beginning) and the two Hebrew letters that make up the word equal 18 in their numerical use. Giving in that multiple or an amount ending in 18 is a way of symbolizing celebrating life. Just like the Fiddler on the Roof song "l'chayim, to life".

[levitratestimon]

Leave a $20 and don't write your name on the card. Times are tough!

You might not want to spread that kinda advice around with your wedding coming up ;-)

[osteoftex]

I personally like to give the mother a gift on these types of occassions. She did more of the work than the kid.

EXCUSE ME????

Have you ever tried to learn a Haftorah? For those who do not know, it is the weekly reading from the Torah (the scrolls containing the Five Books of Moses) done on the Shabbath (usually Saturday mornings). It is REALLY long (except for a choice few that are shorter than average that you prayed would coincide with your Bar/Bat Mitzvah) has no vowels (in Hebrew the vowels which let you know the correct way to pronounce the word look kinda like accent marks)... and then, at 13 probably one of your most self-conscious years, you have stand in front of sometimes 100's of people and recite it... ALONE... no net, no prompter, no background music... from a hand written scroll which you have to use a metal pointer to keep your place because you can not touch it with your hand - it will damage the parchment.. and the Rabbi will remind of that often.

And at some synagogues, you don't just learn and recite that and you are done.. off to the party... you also have to lead the whole congregation in the Shabbath services Friday night & Saturday morning.

And then give a speech (in English) about what it all means to you.

Trust me, that kid worked HARD!

And speaking of someone that has gone thru it, it really means A LOT to us (and the family) when people of all faiths come to the whole service Saturday morning and not just the party afterward.

[SallyIsNice5]

Yeah, we're going to the service as well as the party (we're Atheists with Christian parents).

Thanks for the help. I'm looking forward to it.

[soyclocky]

EXCUSE ME????

Have you ever tried to learn a Haftorah? For those who do not know, it is the weekly reading from the Torah (the scrolls containing the Five Books of Moses) done on the Shabbath (usually Saturday mornings). It is REALLY long (except for a choice few that are shorter than average that you prayed would coincide with your Bar/Bat Mitzvah) has no vowels (in Hebrew the vowels which let you know the correct way to pronounce the word look kinda like accent marks)... and then, at 13 probably one of your most self-conscious years, you have stand in front of sometimes 100's of people and recite it... ALONE... no net, no prompter, no background music... from a hand written scroll which you have to use a metal pointer to keep your place because you can not touch it with your hand - it will damage the parchment.. and the Rabbi will remind of that often.

And at some synagogues, you don't just learn and recite that and you are done.. off to the party... you also have to lead the whole congregation in the Shabbath services Friday night & Saturday morning.

And then give a speech (in English) about what it all means to you.

Trust me, that kid worked HARD!

And speaking of someone that has gone thru it, it really means A LOT to us (and the family) when people of all faiths come to the whole service Saturday morning and not just the party afterward.

I apologize: I didn't phrase that well. Of course the child put in a considerable effort!

What I meant was that the mother has also put forth so much effort to get to that day, I like to make sure that her hard work is rewarded. Its a big deal to raise a child, and to raise one to be so successful & hardworking that they can do all the things you've listed, its an acheivement and deserves a little aknowledgement.

[fluoxet]

Ya, $100, maybe a small token gift too, if you like. Something that would have relevance to you & the child, like say you have a private joke, or a shared experience.

I personally like to give the mother a gift on these types of occassions. She did more of the work than the kid.

ACG covered it, but you are so wrong on this, OCT. My mom drove me to my lessons, but I did all the heavy lifting. And, she made the restaurant reservations. Ah, maybe I'm just bitter because I didn't have Beyonce singing at mine. ;-) It was in '83.

To the OP: There is no set rule on Bar Mitzvah gifts, but I think your figure is extremely generous considering both the relationship and this messed up economy.

[Bletlemof]

ACG covered it, but you are so wrong on this, OCT. My mom drove me to my lessons, but I did all the heavy lifting. And, she made the restaurant reservations. Ah, maybe I'm just bitter because I didn't have Beyonce singing at mine. ;-) It was in '83.

Again I apologize for my poor choice of words. It wasn't my intention to slight anyone's acheivements.

[Xxedxevh]

Again I apologize for my poor choice of words. It wasn't my intention to slight anyone's acheivements.

Darn, I was trying to goad you into an argument because I know you in real life and i thought I'd surprise you. Mission not accomplished. ;-)
What I wrote above is true, though.