[HitAttetlyTek]

Yes, for sure!

Thanks so much!

[HitAttetlyTek]

Hey guys,

I am writing an article for the local newspaper, but it needs to be WAY shorter.
The funny thing is I have already edited it twice and can't stand to cut any more from it!

If anyone wants to help by pointing out parts that the article could do without, or anything that you think could be changed, please do!

__________________________________________________ _____________
I recently watched a video on the Prince George Citizen website that explained how Caesar Millan is not able to bring his sidekick, Junior, into Ontario with him while touring across the nation. The reason for this was Bill 132. Put in effect August 29, 2005 along with the (new) Dog Owners Liability Act, this bill prohibits anyone from owning, importing, transferring or breeding “Pit Bulls” in Ontario. The definition of a “Pit Bull” under this Act includes: the American Pit Bull Terrier, the Pit Bull Terrier, the Staffordshire Bull Terrier, the American Staffordshire Terrier or any other dog that has an appearance and physical characteristics that are substantially similar to any of the aforementioned breeds.

The American Pit Bull Terrier, mentioned above, is somewhat of a “foundation breed” for all breeds covered under this act. This means that the American Pit Bull Terrier (or APBT for short) played a role in the creation of the other breeds mentioned above, making all breeds covered under this act at least somewhat similar. The APBT is the true and original “Pit Bull” and was perfected before the other “Pit Bull” breeds that we know today. Generally, “Pit Bull” type dogs are medium sized and appear somewhat “square” when viewed from the side. They typically weigh between 20-70 pounds and have short sleek fur. The are medium sized, with a short sleek coat over their compact muscles. Of course, we have all heard the atrocious myths that surround this breed, “Locking Jaws” and other such nonsense. However, when it comes down to solid facts, the average person knows little to nothing about “Pit Bull” dogs.

Early “bull-and-terrier” dogs were bred for blood sports, the most commonly known being dog fighting. When these dogs were perfected dog fighting was a very popular and legal sport. However, what many people don’t know is that the dog men who created the “Pit Bull” were also very enthusiastic about loving their dogs, many of which were kept as pets. So while the Pit Bull was created to be an all-out beast in dog pit, they were at the same time bred to be loyal and docile companions. Not to mention, handling your dog in the pit was required by rules, and no one would want to handle a dog they couldn’t trust.
I am sure many of your have seen The Little Rascals movie or TV shows, in which a group of children create mischief around their town accompanied by their dog Petey the Pit Bull. These dogs were once known as the cherished family pet.

Unlike many popular breeds such as the German Shepherd or Great Pyrenees, Pit Bulls have never been bred to be used as a guardian dog. While many think the opposite, any knowledgeable owner or enthusiast of Pit Bull dogs could tell you that they are not what you would want to guard your home. While they are very loyal and willing to protect their owners, if someone were to break into you home while you were away they would most likely be greeted warmly by an ear-to-ear smile and a wagging tail.

Because of the media and public misinformation, many people began to think that think that these dogs really were man-hungry beasts. In turn “less-than-respectable” members of society began purchasing them to be used as guard dogs. Upon discovering their inaccurate guardian skills, these members of society came to the conclusion that the guardian mentality must have to be trained into a dog. As you can probably imagine, training a dog that is very person oriented not to like people would most likely be a very negative experience for the dog and this does not result well.

These days, many of those who are rooting on the side of the Pit Bull are often unknowing or denying of the fact that the Pit Bull was bred to fight and does have a tendency to be aggressive toward other dogs. Because of this, many Pit Bull owners do not take proper precautions to ensure the safety of other dogs as well as their own. I have seen it time and time again, uneducated owners setting their dogs up for failure.

Sadly, every day dogs fall victim to situations such as those described above because of media, governmental and public misconception. The bad reputation that these dogs have been given and continue to be held down by has led to the many laws that ban them and/or label them as dangerous dogs.

The solution to the “Pit Bull Problem” is not to pass laws that take the valued members from thousands of families and send them off to the pound or to the slaughter. The solution is public education and in turn responsible ownership.

It is up to us as owners of these dogs and dogs in general to take the public opinion into our own hands by being responsible and educated as well as willing to share what we know.

The passing of laws such as the Ontario Pit Bull Ban have been increasing dramatically over the last 10 years, from outright bans to restrictions on ownership of these dogs.

Here in Prince George, we also have restrictive policies on Pit Bull type dogs, and I fear as an owner of this fine breed, how long it will be before they are completely banned here as well?

This leads me to wonder, how long will it be before this happens to other types of dogs? How long will it be before there are bans on mans “best friend” all together?
__________________________________________________ ______________

[Binuilienzync]

I think that if the point of the article is to speak against BSL, that, even though it's good information, the second paragraph could be done away with.

I wrote a few letters against BSL and my English Professor (who always proof-reads for me) told me that there's a ton of scientific studies out there that show that the "average" reader stops reading after the first few paragraphs. So the REALLY important information needs to be there or else your entire article is pretty much wasted.

The article could also probably be shortened by getting rid of "filler" words.

In the 5th paragraph, starting with "because". That could be reworded to something like: "Sensational media and general public misinformation has lead the common person to think that the "Pit Bull" is an all out aggressive dog".

I would also remove the "less then respectable members of society" comment because that in itself could stir some shit up. When writing articles like this, you want to be extra careful to not stereotype, or otherwise "offend" certain times of people. If I was an complete blabbering idiot, I could take that comment as a racist remark because I'll "assume" what kind of people you're talking about. I'd say something like, "ill-informed" people, perhaps, or maybe not even say anything like that at all.

The second to last sentence, you use the word "here", twice. The second "here" could be done away with. The "this leads me to wonder" could also be removed. I often find that short, dramatic sentences often catch the readers attention much better than sentences with a lot of "pre" wording before it. An example would be, "At the end of the battle, after all the blood shed was over, only one had survived." As opposed to: "One person had survived the entire, bloody battle."

While the first sentence is very descriptive and sounds great, the second one also sounds good and gets the same point across in almost half the words.

The part saying "its up to us as owners of these dogs and dogs in general" sounds a bit choppy to me. Perhaps something more general, such as, "It's up to all dog owners to be responsible, education themselves, and share all of the wonderful information they have to offer." I feel like targeting all owners, not just pit bulls, may be more appropriate, since it's really an "irresponsible owner" issue in the first place.

Otherwise I find it a very good article

---------- Post added at 04:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:12 PM ----------



If you decide to keep the second paragraph, note that you described their fur twice: "They typically weigh between 20-70 pounds and have short sleek fur. The are medium sized, with a short sleek coat over their compact muscles."

[HitAttetlyTek]

I'm on the ball today!

Thanks alot bearxfoo, you've helped alot.

[Binuilienzync]

I'm on the ball today!

Thanks alot bearxfoo, you've helped alot.

You're welcome!

I also noticed that I typo'd myself, and it should be "educate themselves" not education themselves.

[vekiuytyh]

Are you writing a specific "article" for the paper, or an editorial letter? Just be aware that they are liable to slice and dice your submission. I would ask them to send me a copy of the final draft that they are going to print, before they print it. That way, you can make sure that all of the points you really wanted, are included. Newspapers are notorious for editing the heck out of things you submit, and they will slice and dice parts of it that are very valid. Just make sure that you get a chance to see the final edit, before it goes to print. It sounds great though, and is very educational and informative to those that are not familiar with the breed as deeply as you have researched.

[HitAttetlyTek]

Thank you, Lorrie.
I will be sure to read the final draft, I would hate for it to turn into a pro-bsl piece of work!

---------- Post added at 02:22 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:19 PM ----------

I'm still just a young grasshopper with a lot to learn, but I think I can generally get my point across. haha

---------- Post added at 03:57 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:22 PM ----------

So here is my "final draft" everyone.
What do you think?
Hopefully it won't get totally botched.

I recently watched a video on the Prince George Citizen website that explained how Caesar Millan is not able to bring his sidekick, Junior, into Ontario with him while touring across the nation. The reason for this was Bill 132. A law that prohibits anyone from owning, importing, transferring or breeding Pit Bulls in Ontario. The definition of a “Pit Bull” under Bill 132 is as follows: the American Pit Bull Terrier, the Pit Bull Terrier, the Staffordshire Bull Terrier, the American Staffordshire Terrier or any other dog that possesses physical characteristics that are substantially similar to that of any of the aforementioned breeds.

Of course, we have all heard the atrocious myths about this breed, “Locking Jaws” and other such nonsense. However, when it comes down to solid facts, the average person knows little to nothing about Pit Bull type dogs.

Unlike many popular breeds such as the German Shepherd or Great Pyrenees, Pit Bulls have never been bred to be used as a guardian dog. Any person who is experienced with Pit Bull dogs will tell you that they are not what you would want as a guard dog. While they are very loyal and willing to protect their owners, if someone were to break into your home while you were away they would most likely be greeted by an ear-to-ear smile and wagging tail.
Early Pit Bulls were bred for blood sports, the most well-known of which was dog fighting. What most don’t know is that those who created the Pit Bull were also very enthusiastic about loving their dogs, many of which were kept as pets. Not to mention, handling your dog in the fighting-pit was required by rules. No one wanted to handle dogs they couldn’t trust.

It is likely you’ve seen The Little Rascals, in which a group of children make mischief around town accompanied by a dog, Petey the Pit Bull. These dogs were once known as devoted family pets.

Due to misinformation of the media and public, the majority of people have come to think that these dogs really are man-hungry beasts. Many people began purchasing them to be used as guard dogs. Upon discovering their lack of guardian skills, these people came to the conclusion that the “guardian mentality” must be a thing that is trained into a dog. As you can imagine, training a dog that is very human-oriented not to like people would be a very negative experience for the dog and would not likely result well.

Today a potion of those rooting for the Pit Bull are often unknowing or denying of the fact that the Pit Bull is likely to be aggressive toward other dogs. Even with the best intentions, many Pit Bull owners do not take proper precautions to ensure the safety of other dogs as well as their own. I’ve seen many uneducated owners set their dogs up for failure without even knowing it.

Every day dogs fall victim to situations such as those described above due to a misconception of what the Pit Bull is. The bad reputation that continues to hold these dogs down has led to the many laws that ban and/or label them as dangerous dogs.

The solution is not to pass laws that will send thousands of valued friends and family members off to the pound or the slaughter. The solution is public education and responsible ownership.

It is up to us dog owners, regardless of breed, to enlighten and educate ourselves and each other as much possible. Our pack cannot function unless each does their part.

The passing of laws such as the Ontario Pit Bull Ban has been increasing dramatically over the last 10 years, from restrictions to outright bans, on these dogs and others.
Here in Prince George we also have restrictive bylaw-policies on Pit Bull type dogs.
I fear as an owner of this fine breed, how long will it be before they are completely banned here as well?
How long before there are bans on “mans best friend” all together?

[Binuilienzync]

I like it! It's very short, which encourages the general public to read, and gets the point across very well.

Good job! I hope too that it doesn't get all botched and edited. Like Mollie said, make sure to obtain whatever they plan to print to make sure they aren't propagandizing your work.

!