[inownsuipsy]

I am writing a persuasive essay for my English class and my topic is the myths and misconceptions surrounding Pit Bulls. I have an introduction typed and saved, but wanted to see what you all thought about it and was wondering if anyone has any suggestions for improvement. When I'm finished with the entire thing, I might post it on here, if anyone was interested. (:

"If you saw a “Pit Bull” being walked by its owner at your local park, how would you react? Would you cringe at the thought of the monstrous thing and stay out of its way, or would you be compelled to ask if you may pet this wonderful, misunderstood creature? The general public would probably be afraid of it. However, the properly educated portion of the human race knows better than to conform to popular belief and succumb to the mass hysteria regarding this breed without first doing research of their own. If you are one of these sheep being lead by the media that shudder at the thought or sight of a Pit Bull and consider them vicious atrocities, I have one question for you: Before you form an opinion or pass judgement about something, should you not know the facts surrounding it? Sheep, prepare to be enlightened."

---------- Post added at 09:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:17 PM ----------

Also, my supporting evidence involves a very detailed breed history, various personal experiences, identifying the role the media plays in the fear associated with the breed, and studies done by the CDC, ATTS, and NCRC.

[Tusethede]

This might help, "Using Ethos, Logos, and Pathos to 'Sell Energy'"
Ethos: Appealing to an audience based on the perceived ethical character of the persuader. The effective persuader strives to establish:
- Trustworthiness- because audiences tend to listen more openly to persuaders who they believe are honest
- Competence- because audiences tend to listen more thoughtfully to evidence and reasoning used by persuaders who the audience members believe to be experts on their subjects
- Goodwill- because audiences tend to listen more favorably to persuaders who demonstrate genuine concern for the well-being of audience members
- Dynamism- because audiences tend to get more enjoyment from listening to persuaders who demonstrate passion and conviction about their subject matter

Logos: Appealing to an audience based on reasoning and critical thinking. The effective persuader uses solid facts to support her/his suggestions.

Pathos: Appealing to an audience based on emotional ties to the issue being discussed. The effective persuader uses language that tastefully stimulates an emotional response within the target audience. Generally, this emotional response acts as the foundation for the audience's final decision. The difficult part about your choice of subject matter is that you're NOT trying to convince, you're simply supporting your opinion with facts. You would actually be better off writing an informative essay while using persuasive tactics within the essay.
It will be easier for you to write informatively, because it will not allow you to get emotional. Yes, you do want emotion in your essay, but you do not want it to cloud the facts with pure emotion.
The problem I see in your introduction is that you are already putting people off to reading your facts. In your introduction, you want to INVITE people and persuade them to continue reading. Personally, if I read your introduction, I would be put off. I would think that the person writing this essay is clearly one sided- the MOST important part of persuasion is ACCEPTING that there is another point of view- you must be able to say WHY that point of view is invalid in order to validate your point.
By alienating people in your introduction, not only do you lead them to these aforementioned conclusions, you also can cause people to not even read the essay at all.
Unrelated to the subject at hand, but related to persuasion- this is my introduction to my persuasive essay on accepting people with HIV/AIDS:
The Encyclopedia Britannica defines HIV as Human Immunodeficiency Virus and AIDS as Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. The key terms in these acronyms are “virus”, “acquired”, and “syndrome”. People all across the world are discriminated against due to minute details in their lives. Some of these details are detested more than others. In order for people living with HIV/AIDS to live a normal life, society must dispel stereotypes such as only gay man can contract the virus, a person can contract HIV/AIDS by living or being around a person with it, and HIV/AIDS positive people do not deserve the same rights as those who are negative. Notice how there is zero emotion in the introduction. I am simply stating facts, stating my position on the matter, and inviting people to read further. WITHIN the essay is where you will see persuasive tactics:
1. Identify your audience's perceived benefits to seeing things your way- a perceived benefit is a way for your audience to can benefits WITHOUT a cost
2. Identify what you can offer that will fulfill those desired benefits
3. Help the audience experience the fulfillment of their perceived benefits

I hope this helps. Let me know if anything doesn't make sense. Good luck!

[KasaBalak]

This might help, "Using Ethos, Logos, and Pathos to 'Sell Energy'"


The difficult part about your choice of subject matter is that you're NOT trying to convince, you're simply supporting your opinion with facts. You would actually be better off writing an informative essay while using persuasive tactics within the essay.
It will be easier for you to write informatively, because it will not allow you to get emotional. Yes, you do want emotion in your essay, but you do not want it to cloud the facts with pure emotion.
The problem I see in your introduction is that you are already putting people off to reading your facts. In your introduction, you want to INVITE people and persuade them to continue reading. Personally, if I read your introduction, I would be put off. I would think that the person writing this essay is clearly one sided- the MOST important part of persuasion is ACCEPTING that there is another point of view- you must be able to say WHY that point of view is invalid in order to validate your point.
By alienating people in your introduction, not only do you lead them to these aforementioned conclusions, you also can cause people to not even read the essay at all.
Unrelated to the subject at hand, but related to persuasion- this is my introduction to my persuasive essay on accepting people with HIV/AIDS:


Notice how there is zero emotion in the introduction. I am simply stating facts, stating my position on the matter, and inviting people to read further. WITHIN the essay is where you will see persuasive tactics:
1. Identify your audience's perceived benefits to seeing things your way- a perceived benefit is a way for your audience to can benefits WITHOUT a cost
2. Identify what you can offer that will fulfill those desired benefits
3. Help the audience experience the fulfillment of their perceived benefits

I hope this helps. Let me know if anything doesn't make sense. Good luck!

I'm getting ahold of you when I write my next essay.

[inownsuipsy]

you must be able to say WHY that point of view is invalid in order to validate your point.

I have it planned out pretty well already how I'm going to lead into this, starting with the first paragraph following the introduction actually. Thank you, your post helped a lot. I definitely see how I came across as sort of condescending.

Do you think it would sound better if perhaps it went like this instead..
"If you saw a “Pit Bull” being walked by its owner at your local park, how do you think you would react? Would you cringe at the thought of the monstrous thing and stay out of its way, or would you be compelled to ask if you may pet this wonderful, misunderstood creature? Odds are you would probably be afraid of it, due to all the negativity associated with the term “Pit Bull“. But, would you ever ask yourself why you should be afraid of it? Would you ever question its notoriety and look past the recent newspaper article titled “Pit Bull Attack”?

---------- Post added at 10:38 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:26 PM ----------

Also your introduction was very interesting. When you mentioned how HIV/AIDS was defined, it reminded me about how Ohio state law deifnes Pit Bulls as "inherently vicious"..

[educationonlines]

I wouldn't insult your readers. You should be like this is what the media portrays as and the stereotypes of these dogs (u better use better grammar lol). You could be like is this how you feel about pitbulls. Well today I'm here to dismantle these myths and englighten you to how wonderful this breed is. Of course I'm just outlinng. Don't use my bad grammar lol. I don't think you sresupposed to use the term you in a professional paper

[inownsuipsy]

I don't think you sresupposed to use the term you in a professional paper

I thought about that too, but then I wasn't sure how to address the audience.
As far as being a professional paper, it's not like that in this case.. Although I'm trying my best to write it as if it were, since this is something I feel strongly about, it's only one of my many 11th grade Eng. III assignments lol. But I am saving it for future references.

[Tusethede]

As long as it is persuasive and not informative, 'you' is perfectly acceptable. You want to be able to address your audience on a personal level, and you can't do that by addressing them informally.
Now, in an informative essay, you are STRICTLY writing facts. There is no room for opinion, biases, or persuasion.
The fact-opinion fallacy is unfortunately under-taught and is used in many 'professional' papers writing to 'professional' peers. It's very easy to make this mistake in both informative and persuasive essays.
Make sure all of your facts are simply that- facts. Facts are proven, tested, and universal. You cannot debate a fact. Opinions cannot be proven, and are where debates can arise. Now, facts can be the basis of the debate, but cannot be manipulated based on one's bias.
Also, try to avoid the word "thing". Descriptions are HUGE in persuasive essays, and can make the difference between someone reading a word and someone truly FEELING what you meant in your writing. The phrase "vicious thing" is much less powerful than say "vicious beast". But even then I would try to avoid cliches such as those.
Also, I think it would be better if you didn't start out with a question. That is a good approach for some essays, but I think your's would be better started as a scenario. Start with, say, "You are walking through a park...." You are TELLING the reader what they are doing, forcing them into a state of conscience that automatically puts them in the mindset of comprehending the possible scenario. You want them to BE there, you want them to picture themselves in that park, seeing that pit bull, and asking themselves what their immediate reaction is. They are asking themselves BEFORE you even ask them! That is the power of a good introduction- get them thinking so you don't have to.
A good persuasive essay doesn't try to convince. Don't think that you're trying to convince people. You are simply stating your opinion and backing it up with evidence. Your ability to back it up, to lure them in, and to hold them there is what is going to convince them. If you try to hard you'll lose them.

[Tic Tac Took]

I thought about that too, but then I wasn't sure how to address the audience.
As far as being a professional paper, it's not like that in this case.. Although I'm trying my best to write it as if it were, since this is something I feel strongly about, it's only one of my many 11th grade Eng. III assignments lol. But I am saving it for future references.

Does my heart good to see young people taking on the cause of the breed while using proper spelling and grammar. Hopefully, you can change a few minds or prevent the negative media reports from making your classmates into Pit Bull haters.

Good luck with your paper

[inownsuipsy]

Does my heart good to see young people taking on the cause of the breed while using proper spelling and grammar. Hopefully, you can change a few minds or prevent the negative media reports from making your classmates into Pit Bull haters.

Good luck with your paper

Thank you.
I've had this counter argument for the breed in my head for a long time, but never had the opportunity to actually utilize it.. So even though my English teacher will probably throw my paper in the trash after she grades it,
I am definitely going to keep working on the typed version I have in my laptop and I hopefully will get to use it to promote the breed and circulate the truth once I go into Journalism, or something like that.

---------- Post added at 03:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:07 PM ----------

As long as it is persuasive and not informative, 'you' is perfectly acceptable. You want to be able to address your audience on a personal level, and you can't do that by addressing them informally.
Now, in an informative essay, you are STRICTLY writing facts. There is no room for opinion, biases, or persuasion.
The fact-opinion fallacy is unfortunately under-taught and is used in many 'professional' papers writing to 'professional' peers. It's very easy to make this mistake in both informative and persuasive essays.
Make sure all of your facts are simply that- facts. Facts are proven, tested, and universal. You cannot debate a fact. Opinions cannot be proven, and are where debates can arise. Now, facts can be the basis of the debate, but cannot be manipulated based on one's bias.
Also, try to avoid the word "thing". Descriptions are HUGE in persuasive essays, and can make the difference between someone reading a word and someone truly FEELING what you meant in your writing. The phrase "vicious thing" is much less powerful than say "vicious beast". But even then I would try to avoid cliches such as those.
Also, I think it would be better if you didn't start out with a question. That is a good approach for some essays, but I think your's would be better started as a scenario. Start with, say, "You are walking through a park...." You are TELLING the reader what they are doing, forcing them into a state of conscience that automatically puts them in the mindset of comprehending the possible scenario. You want them to BE there, you want them to picture themselves in that park, seeing that pit bull, and asking themselves what their immediate reaction is. They are asking themselves BEFORE you even ask them! That is the power of a good introduction- get them thinking so you don't have to.
A good persuasive essay doesn't try to convince. Don't think that you're trying to convince people. You are simply stating your opinion and backing it up with evidence. Your ability to back it up, to lure them in, and to hold them there is what is going to convince them. If you try to hard you'll lose them.

I've already made a few changes to the introduction, so I'll post it again when I think I'm 100% satisfied with it. Thank you!

[reachmanxx]

Instead of "you" use "one" such as, "If one were to see a pit bull in the park..." instead of "If you were to see a pit bull in the park..."

[Tusethede]

The problem with that, Gatorpit, is that you DO want to use 'you' when speaking persuasively. You want your audience to feel like that paper was written for them and only them, you want to make it intimate, because the closer your audience feels to you, the more likely they are to take what you say into consideration. Also, 'one' does not pack as much punch as 'you'. Here, I'll write an example:
"You walk into the park, unsuspecting, unaware. You close your eyes and breathe deep; the breeze feels nice today. You open your eyes. Approaching you is a man walking a pit bull. Do you freeze in fear, or relax in understanding? [

[inownsuipsy]

"You are taking a walk at your local park. You can see the usual group of teenagers loitering by their parked cars and hear the toddlers playing on the mary-go-round from the stretch of sidewalk you’re traveling along when you notice a stranger you are about to cross paths with, approaching from the opposite direction. This young woman is walking her dog. This dog is a Pit Bull. How do you react? Odds are you would probably be afraid of it, due to all the negativity associated with the term “Pit Bull“. But, at some point in time would you ever ask yourself why this breed is portrayed so horribly, why you are told to be afraid of it, and why everyone else seemed to be afraid of it? Would you ever question its notoriety and wonder if there was more to what you were told to believe in the recent newspaper article titled “Pit Bull Attack”, or would you keep living in fear? Before you form your opinion about something, you should know the facts surrounding it - do you know the facts surrounding the American Pit Bull Terrier? We often fear what we do not understand, and this happens to be the case when it comes to the Pit Bull."
...Too much?

[Tusethede]

I don't see a thesis.... Also, you're telling the audience what they believe. You want to make them think about it, to consider their own opinion, and then take into account what you are going to explain to them.

[inownsuipsy]