[gernica]

TALES FROM THE TRANSPO DESK: PART 1

Once again on a whim I decided to volunteer as a driver for the LA tourney. Having done it last year for the first time, I had a reasonable expectation as to what I was in for: Driving brand new Mercedes Benzes, answering player questions about the home values in Bel Air and Beverly Hills, douchey players who like to sit in the back seat even when they are the only passenger, and an opportunity to engage and get insights from some genuinely nice and engaging players.

Last year the tournament used three hotels, one to house the qualifiers and the officials, one for the doubles players and one for the main draw singles players. Two of the three were relatively close to the site. This year only one hotel was used for all participants which sounded like a great idea until I was told the selected hotel was the Hollywood Renaissance located adjacent to the Kodak Theater (where the Oscars are held) and the Chinese Theater where movie stars’ hand and footprints are enshrined in cement. In other words, the hotel located at Hollywood and Highland is smack dab in the middle of tourist central and any real LA-ite wouldn’t be caught dead there, let alone in the middle of summer. Not to mention, traffic is murder in the area requiring at least 45-minutes to get there from the tournament site at UCLA – Sunset Blvd. being the only real option, even though the physical distance is only seven miles.

In general, tournaments like to select player hotels based on locations. Since players do not rent cars, a centrally located hotel within walking distance of shops and restaurants allows players to be self-sufficient and removes the burden of chauffeuring them around for non-tournament activities such as dining out at night. For this reason, the Renaissance was an ideally located hotel but the stress of the commute certainly impacted players and tournament workers alike. In fact, Gulbis immediately checked out of the Renaissance and moved back to last year’s player hotel. I guess you can do that when you are a near billionaire.

It is well known that most players are quite committed to their routine and despite the hotel being so far away, so many would practice in the morning, ask to be driven back to the hotel for a couple of hours, only to be driven back for their afternoon practice. I just couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t stay on site rather than braving the frustrating traffic day after day.

Even though this was my second year volunteering for the tourney, I continue to be interested in how tournaments operate and how players handle the grind of bouncing from tournament to tournament while still making a living at it.

Singles players receive six free nights, while doubles receive four free nights of hotel stays. Beyond that, they continue to receive free accommodations as long as they are still in the tournament. Also, the free stays do not begin until Sunday night so players who arrive early have to foot their own bill. Players don’t take advantage of the remaining free nights once they lose and almost always immediately checkout and fly off to the next tournament upon losing. In fact, many will start looking for flights immediately after a loss or prior to an expected loss. Furthermore, the free hotel only applies to one room for the player, so the cost of lodging for coaches and physios has to be covered by the players. The discounted rate at the Renaissance was around $200/night, so entourage costs can add up quickly for the players. In addition, players are also responsible for covering the cost of the entourage’s meals and travel. Add that to their pre-determined salary and all of a sudden losing in the first round could mean a serious net loss of income for the player.

For example, Michael Berrer earned $6,410 for a first round loss. Not a bad sum for getting your ass kicked by James Flake. However, the tournament withholds 37% off the top for US taxes. Add to that the $1,100 for his coach’s hotel stay, the $1,200 last-minute plane tickets to Washington (and that is on the cheap side), his coach’s salary for the week, and all of a sudden Michael Berrer isn’t left with much. These numbers also don’t include deductions for the ATP pension plan, which requires five years on the tour to be fully vested. So if a player’s career ends because of an injury before they reach five years, they get bubkus for their contributions to the plan. Hardly seems fair. Frankly, if I were a pro-player, that sort of math would be more than enough motivation for me to never lose in the first round. Somehow at age 59, I see Agassi donating his pension to his charity while Sampras continuing to line his pockets.

Most of us fans assume that players inside the top 100 must have a fairly comfortable existence on the road, but one would be surprised to learn how cost-conscious most players are -- Bellucci readily admitted he quite couldn’t yet afford the $85K Benz SUV that I was driving him around in. Well Tomaz, that’s what you get for having Guga’s old coach Larri Passos and still making nothing of your talent. Marcelo Melo estimated that he spends about $50K a year in travel costs alone. With numbers such as these, all of a sudden the career earnings as listed on the ATP site aren’t quite as impressive for your average players.

Compare these numbers to the WTA tour, which pays significantly less than the ATP, and the economics for life on the women’s tour becomes that much more undesirable. For example, the LA event is a 250 (lowest) series for the men, while the comparable WTA event in College Park last week paid out only $1,725 for a first round loss, and Stanford, a premier event paid out $5,200 for a first round loss.

Anyway, on to the war stories!

[gernica]

TALES FROM THE TRANSPO DESK: PART 2

TOMMY TOOL!

At every tournament certain players are loaned their own cars. Most often it is because they are the top seed, but sometimes it is because they have been loyal to the tournament for years or have a great relationship with the tourney director.

Tommy Haas was one such recipient of a loaner Mercedes even though he was only in the tournament because of a wildcard. Now Tommy lives in LA, and probably has nicer and more expensive cars of his own so why he would want a loaner is beyond me. I guess most players of his stature have bought into a sense of entitlement and this point was confirmed one morning when he appears at the player’s entrance, parks illegally on a red curb and runs into practice. Once I noticed where he had parked, I had to go chase him onto center court, take his keys and move his car for him so the tournament wouldn’t be held responsible for paying his parking ticket. As I plucked the keys out of his tennis bag, no apology or a thank you was forthcoming from him either. What a tool!

In appearance, Tommy Tool seems to have lost some more weight and according to some of the female drivers, it has made him less attractive. I’ve always found his German accent via South Beach to be on the faux side, and the way he strides about, I always imagine, he must be thinking, “I’m Tommy Haas, and you’re NOT!” If I were a writer on Saturday Night Live, there is no doubt I would create an entire sketch around Tommy Tool’s swagger with him oft repeating the line, “I’m Tommy Haas, and you’re NOT!” to the likes of The Dalai Lama, Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama, The Pope and Vladimir Putin.

Contrast Tommy Tool with…


GERMAN MUPPET VOICE

Michael Berrer is perhaps the nicest, most genuine player currently on the ATP. Though I had already nicknamed him GMV prior to meeting him, I felt quite guilty about it afterwards. He charmingly and engagingly spoke to all the drivers and in my specific instance, when I told him my real name (not Miles), he repeated it five times so he was sure to remember it next time we met. Prior to the Flake match, I also told him he had to win since he was on my Road to NY team, and when I saw him the next day after the loss, he apologized not once, but twice for losing, saying Flake was just too good. What player would ever remember to do that?!

He chose to play in the US Open series this year because the two German clay tournaments (Hamburg and Stuttgart) basically have no interest in promoting local players unless they are superstars. He was quite offended by the sentiment since he believe promoting a local boy would certainly bring more fans out so he decided to walk the walk this year.

As has been noted, he is also physically quite large, barely fitting into the captain’s seat in the Benz.

I also had the pleasure of driving him back to the airport as he headed to Washington. We began talking about frequent flyer programs and his need to upgrade since he can barely fit into coach seats. As we discussed the cost of last minute air travel, I told him I would gladly exchange miles with him if he ever needed a last minute itinerary and the fares were astronomical (a typical Business ticket is $7K and a First ticket is $10K for international travel). He was all up for that and now I have Michael Berrer’s contact info. BFFs forever!


MALISSE, PITY PARTY OF ONE, YOUR TABLE IS READY

Ever wonder how a player is feeling immediately after a stunning loss as they disappear inside the bowels of the stadium? Got a glimpse of this after Malisse went down to Gulbis in a third set tiebreak in the first round. He couldn’t leave the tournament grounds fast enough so he made his way to the player’s entrance but then just stood near the transportation desk. He had the stunned look of someone who might have just walked away from a devastating car accident. He leaned his head on the side of the building for what seemed like forever and in that moment it felt like he would never play tennis again. In one respect, it was quite amazing to see that age 31, he still had a burning desire to win and that a loss could still be so crushing.

Now you may wondering why no one from the transpo desk walked up to him to ask him if he wanted a ride back to the hotel. Well, first of all, Malisse was also the recipient of a loaner Benz so he had his own ride. Secondly, his girlfriend (he has a different one every year) and his hitting partner/friend were still stranded in the stadium player’s box and thirdly, it was obvious he wanted to be left alone in that moment.

So why exactly was Malisse hanging around instead of just driving away on his own? Well, he left his car keys with the girlfriend , so instead of running away he had to hang around giving us all a rare insight into what it feels like to lose to Gulbis!

Malisse went on to win the doubles, and in the ensuing days he was back to being himself, which is to say he is kind, funny, engaging, and down to earth to all around him, including fans and tournament workers. Still, it was an epic pity party!

Stay tuned, more to come daily for the next few days…

[Romobencience]

Hooray! Look forward to more!

[Les Allen]

This is great stuff, Miles!

[ergyuu]

Love the stories Miles, what a great experience!

[zueqhbyhp]

*Like*

[Arkadiyas]

My reply to your entry:

[Soadiassy]

thanks, Miles.

[Nosmas]

[occafeVes]

Thanks a lot, Miles. I enjoyed your article a lot. Hope there is more to come

[weaddercaps]

My reply to your entry:

Not only I can't make out what you are saying, that looks a little bit too Linda Blair's EXORCIST!

(I guess it is the flickering tongue...)

[Vomephems]

These are some of the best reads of the years...lots of cool insight we'd never get elsewhere...thanks!

[Arkadiyas]

Not only I can't make out what you are saying, that looks a little bit too Linda Blair's EXORCIST!

(I guess it is the flickering tongue...)

haha. She's saying, "I LOVE THIS!"

[clapsoewmred]

Thanks so much, Miles! Priceless!

haha. She's saying, "I LOVE THIS!"

I thought she was saying "That's filthy!"

[delnisfernan]

TALES FROM THE TRANSPO DESK: PART 2

Stay tuned, more to come daily for the next few days…

, because I loved reading these tales - quite entertaining and informative!

TA

[AlistDakisa]

Thanks for giving us glimpses of the goings-on!

[gernica]

TALES FROM THE TRANSPO DESK: PART 3

DIE MARDY FISH DIE!

This year the transpo department’s fleet mainly consisted of mid-size Mercedes SUVs, plus a couple of sedans, and one larger six-seater SUV. Naturally the six-seater was entrusted to the tourney’s bestest, most reliable driver.

Now Mardy was also one of those players who was given a loaner SUV for the week. A just reward, I suppose, for the top seed who bailed on the tournament last year after winning Atlanta. Well, Mardy decided his SUV just wasn’t big enough for him and his Suitcase Girl wife so he sent his physio to the transpo desk to do his bidding. Though we needed the six-seater for airport runs (most of the foreign players are in the US with lots of luggage since they will be here until the US Open), and even though we had only one of those vehicles, Mardy was promptly given my car! :violin: So glad he lost to Gulbis in the final! I’d also love to see Mardy try this move at a tournament outside the US of A.

Now before you think I am over-reacting, mind you Mardy lives in LA. So he has his own car. Again, why you need a tournament vehicle when you live down the street in Santa Monica is beyond me. At least, unlike Tommy Tool, he parked in marked parking spots.


“NO, FCUK YOU, DENIS KUDLA”

Local boy Daniel Kosakowski is the son of first generation Polish immigrants. He comes from a tennis playing family and clearly is the most talented among his siblings. He went thru qualifying, taking out the top seed Tatsuma Ito and having to face Denis Kudla in the final round for a spot in the main draw.

Well, Kudla was antsy during the entire match, I suppose finding himself in the new position of being favored to win a match now that he is on the main tour was getting to him. Even as he went up a break in the first set, Kudla was just miserable and gave the break back and went on to lose the match in two sets. Now Kosakowski also played for UCLA, so he had a lot of fan support on these same courts where he has played plenty of collegiate matches.

Well, at the end of the match, Kudla had the nerve to not only give the middle finger in the direction of Kosakowski’s box but he also mouthed the FU words. Gotta love these up and coming brash Americans! Such an amazing legacy Roddick is going to leave us with. J Anyway, Kudla was promptly fined but I find it interesting that the ATP doesn’t readily provide such information to the public.

For example, Alex Bogomolov told me he was fined $2,500 at Wimbledon for yelling at a line judge, “Are you blind?” At first, the umpire thought he had said, “Are you fcuking blind?”, but to the credit of the line judge, he/she admitted the F-bomb was not used. This was the first I had heard of the fine so it seems the ATP does an awesome job of sweeping such messes under the rug.

Getting back to Kosakowski, he has got an incredible, quiet intensity about him. He can just give an opponent a look that says, “I’m going to beat you”. He also has a real desire to compete and win and doesn’t seem to feel the pressure of the moment. His height will always be a liability (don’t believe the ATP site which lists him at 6’1”) but if he continues to improve, he has some real potential.

For far too long we have collectively wondered what is in store for American men’s tennis once Roddick and company are put out to pasture. With Harrison, Kudla, Sock, and perhaps Kosakowski, the future doesn’t seem so bleak all of a sudden. One or more will hopefully become a mainstay in the top 50 if not go on to win a slam or more. Kosakowski has already been invited to play in the US Open Wildcard play-off.

Daniel’s older brother Marcin is a pro at my local courts, and he also got into the qualy draw just for showing up at the qualies sign-in. I’m not sure why our very own Charlie02123 can’t use the same strategy to get into a qualies draw somewhere instead of going all the way to Spain to perhaps get into a futures draw.

Anyway, prior to the Kudla match I told Daniel if he won, I would upgrade him to First class for his flight to NY for the Open and boy, did he ever do me proud! Like any 19-year-old, his eyes lit up at the thought of flying First class. Of course, if he makes it big time on the ATP tour, a few years from now, he’ll have to fly me somewhere on his private jet.

Back to the Kudla incident, there was a Davis Cup documentary on the Tennis Channel last year in which Sock and Kudla were invited to be hitting partners at the tie in Serbia. During a practice match against the Bryans, Kudla was fist pumping and high-fiving after winning points. The Bryans cut him down stat, telling him those were bush league moves for a practice match. In that segment, the Bryans came across as dicks for cutting Kudla down rather than taking him under their wings, but now having seen his antics in person, it is clearer to me that Kudla needs to treat others with greater respect.


DO YOU WANT TO MEET A TENNIS PLAYER?

For some odd reason the tournament scheduled Peter Fleming (McEnroe’s old doubles partner who was being enshrined into the tournament’s Hall of Fame) for a fan session at a local Beverly Hills bank. Well, you all can imagine what happened next. Not a single tennis fan showed up. Not one! Ouch, ouch, ouch! The staff had to resort to asking people on the street if they wanted to come inside to meet a tennis player. A disaster in every respect, not to mention people who go to banks in Beverly Hills probably aren’t millionaire recreational tennis players/fans, but rather their secretaries, personal assistants and such.


I WOULD HAVE BEEN A GREAT PICK FOR GREEN ACRES

I spent a lot of time explaining to Somdev Devvarman the concept behind many of TAT’s contests, and he seemed genuinely interested. In discussing strategy with him and his physio Milos (another awesome guy), it was interesting to hear them pick players based on their known strengths and weaknesses while I was trying to make the point that you also have to take into account how the player is trending based on recent results. Somdev had fun poking fun at himself saying he would have been a great pick for Green Acres, though he actually did win a couple of matches on grass this year. How can you not love a player who has such a healthy sense of humor not only about himself but also about his game on its weakest surface? (He is 3-6 lifetime on grass with only one of those wins coming prior to Green Acres this year)

[gernica]

Part 3 is up!

Thanks to everyone for the kind words! At the start of last week I wasn't sure I'd have enough material for even one post but as the week went on, it became an embarrassment of riches.

I'm glad my fellow Tateurs are enjoying the stories and I assure you I am not embellishing anything.

Also a special shout out to Scotty for helping me edit all of this material!

Much more to come!

[Lunims]

Daniel’s older brother Marcin is a pro at my local courts, and he also got into the qualy draw just for showing up at the qualies sign-in. I’m not sure why our very own Charlie02123 can’t use the same strategy to get into a qualies draw somewhere instead of going all the way to Spain to perhaps get into a futures draw.

A shout out! You know just how to make a fella blush.

Seriously, "perhaps get into a futures draw" is kind of an insult to the word perhaps. It's totally not happening.

However, I've been reading this blog from a guy who's been playing on the tour for over 10 years and as far as I can tell has never won more than a small handful of qualifying Futures matches in the whole time. He makes money from stringing rackets and playing the occasional money tournament. He was in the qualifying draw in Newport because it didn't even fill up! Ridic. Same deal with one in Canada. I am SO all over that jazz.

My master plan is seeing if some newspapers might publish a story about my "Quest to become the worst professional tennis player in history." All I need is a wildcard into a challenger and I'm guaranteed a point and thus a ranking.

But enough about me!!!

These stories are SO. FUN. This is a really tremendous contribution to TAT. Thank you so much for writing this for us!

[Arkadiyas]

Love, love, LOVE the latest post, Miles!

This Daniel Kosakowski seems like a nice kid