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http://shanghaishiok.com/2011/01/14/...-are-superior/



Shanghai Shiok!

A cultural schizophrenic in Shanghai, China.
Why Chinese Girlfriends Are Superior

with 50 comments

By CHINESE GIRLFRIEND

A lot of foreign girlfriends I meet wonder how Chinese girlfriends have such doting boyfriends. They wonder about the dynamics of these relationships that produce boyfriends who are attentive, adoring, and even willing to do all household chores. Often, these foreign girlfriends wonder whether they will be able to have such boyfriends too. Well, I can tell you that anyone can be a Chinese girlfriend, if you are able to enforce some basic rules. Here are some of the things my boyfriend is required to do:

* carry my purse in public
* not complain about carrying my purse in public
* text me his coordinates every hour outside of school/work hours
* spend the weekend with me (except in special circumstances)
* befriend only married female classmates/colleagues
* cook exquisite meals
* buy me a thoughtful present every month
* coax me into forgiving him when he makes a mistake

I’m using the term “Chinese girlfriend/s” loosely. What I mean by this term is, certain Chinese girls living in Shanghai. What I really mean by this term is, ME, so don’t get your panties all in a twist. I just like the idea that I represent an entire population because I have the best boyfriend in the world. Just take “Chinese girlfriend/s” as “girls who act like I do.” I also use the term “foreign girlfriend/s” loosely. It just refers to “girls who don’t act like I do, because they are from a different culture, so are less likely to know how to act like I do without these specific instructions.”

When foreign girlfriends think they have their boyfriends under control, they have no idea what control really means. For example, my foreign friend who thinks she is rather strict with her boyfriend (who lives in nearby Hangzhou) requires that he calls her for at least 15 minutes every night before bed so they can catch up and tell each other about everything going on in their lives. He must also come visit her in Shanghai at least once a month. My response: Are you kidding me?! When my boyfriend went to Nanjing on a six-month internship, I required the following:

* a phone call in the mornings before work
* a text during lunch breaks
* a text when leaving work
* a 1,000-character email in the evenings, emoticons not counted
* a phone call before bed to tell me anything he may have left out
* visits every weekend, except in exceptional circumstances (such as company events on Saturday, in which case I went to visit him)

Foreign girlfriends are extremely obsessed with giving their boyfriends enough “space.” In my own small-scale study, a comparison of my 8 foreign girlfriend colleagues and 10 Chinese girlfriend colleagues, 99% of the foreign girlfriends said giving their boyfriends lots of freedom and “breathing room” was important for a healthy relationship. By contrast, 0% of the Chinese girlfriends felt the same way. Instead, all these Chinese girlfriends argued that allowing some distance and so-called “freedom” for themselves and their boyfriends meant they were not committed to the relationship, and that their failure to put tight leashes on their partners meant it would be their fault if the men strayed.

What Chinese girlfriends understand is that for any relationship to succeed, you must throw yourself 100% into it. Sometimes, that 100% seems like clinginess, insecurity, and neediness to foreigners, but it is actually good for Chinese men’s psyches. An attentive and demanding girlfriend is a girlfriend who cares. Chinese girlfriends ask for 100% but also give 100% back. I am willing to do things that many foreign women find uncomfortable, such as pluck my boyfriend’s unibrow in public, do his homework, throw tantrums in public. But all this is for my man’s confidence, even the tantrums; it shows that he means the world to a beautiful Chinese girl. He is an all-important man capable of provoking female passions.

Unlike many foreign girlfriends who give up hope and break up with their boyfriends when the inevitable disagreements happen, Chinese girlfriends see arguments as positive occurrences that continuously develop the relationship. But our way of showing displeasure is unique. Foreign couples are vocal, which leads to more problems when neither partner is willing to concede defeat. An argument with a Chinese girlfriend, on the other hand, goes like this:

Chinese girlfriend (CG): How dare you!
Boyfriend (B): Huh?
CG: Not talking to you! Hurt my feelings!
B: Baby, what did I do wrong?
CG: [No reply, turns her back to him.]
B: Baby, I’m so sorry…
CG: [A delicate tear falls down her cheek, followed by a sob.]
B: Please forgive me, I’ll never hurt you again.
CG: [Turns her teary face to him with a forgiving smile.]
B: I love you! [Wraps his arms around her.]

Now, in the above situation, the Chinese girlfriend is able to make it known to her boyfriend that he has done something to upset her, but she does not make him lose face by explaining exactly what it is he has done wrong. That he understands he was wrong is enough. Then, she gives him the chance to hōng 哄 her, or coax her into forgiving him. This way, she gives him the fun of a challenge, confidence in his coaxing abilities, and the pleasure of a successful re-wooing.

Chinese girlfriends can get away with things that foreign girlfriends can’t. Foreign girlfriends call their boyfriends by sweet endearments — “Honey,” “sweetheart,” “darling,” that sort of thing. But for Chinese girlfriends, the real sign of affection is in insult. The top three things I call my boyfriend:

1. 猪头 Zhū tóu, meaning “pig head,” “moron.” Very popular among young Chinese.
2. 阿呆 Ādāi, meaning “dummy.” Comparable to foreign habit of affectionately and occasionally referring to your little brother as dummy. Except, you know, I use it for my boyfriend, constantly.
3. 窝囊废 Wōnángfèi, meaning “good-for-nothing,” “loser.”

When I told a foreign colleague that I liked calling my boyfriend these things, she looked really upset, like she wanted to cry or something. She actually had to leave the office, take the rest of the day off. What an Ādāi herself! But it was okay; the next day, she was back at work, and brought along this book about real Chinese words used by Chinese people, called Niubi! by one Eveline Chao. My colleague had highlighted this passage, which she said helped her understand my flippant meanness:

…Chinese people, perhaps as a result of their collective thick skin, tend to demonstrate affection by being mean. Or rather, they speak frankly to each other in a way that, for them, indicates a level of familiarity that only a close relationship can have. But, to outside observers, it resembles, at best, a sort of constant, low-level stream of verbal abuse. For a young Chinese woman, there is no better way to express love for her boyfriend than by whacking him with her purse while telling him he’s horrible.

Wow, I thought when I read this. I whacked my boyfriend while telling him he was horrible last week. It’s been too long; I must remember to do it again today.

Chinese girlfriends can order their boyfriends to pay attention to them. Foreign girlfriends can only hope that their charming qualities, patience and understanding will instill such devotion. They have to tip-toe around their own wants, needs and longings and try to persuade themselves that they are modern women who don’t need a “suffocating” male presence in their lives and that they don’t have the time to “smother” anyone either.

Foreign girlfriends care too much about respecting their boyfriends’ individuality. By contrast, Chinese girlfriends believe that the best way to nurture a relationship is by stripping their boyfriends of individuality, so that existence as a couple – complete with its many rules and expectations — is the only existence these men will know, and be able to survive in.

[pkxlugbsbv]

She wishes.

[Hpdovoxm]

its like dating a monster...i would not date such a girl, but send her to a psychologist pronto..

[TimoDass]

She sounds horrible

[Pynctyncroast]

troll troll troll troll troll troll trolll troll



obviously a play off amy chua's column about chinese mothers.

[alecoplesosse]

Exactly true....Chinese gf's NEVER explain ANYTHING, one has to "know" what one did and fix it or else.

They never give affection "willingly", one has to "take" it! I felt like a damn rapist and quickly told her to fuck off! I prefer individuality, space, respect, elucidation......and especially affection!

Communication is not about going over you daily activities and rambling excessively about banalities (drives me chimpy!), substance is far more interesting and appealing.

Koreans and Japanese are almost the same!

[mireOpekrhype]

Am I the only one who sees a horrible inversion of roles here? The Chinese men cannot be like this at all. She sounds like a stereotypical "Jewish mother."

[SodeSceriobia]

It kinda sucks how white guys who have chinese girlfriends use them as sexual objects and treat them like shit.

[cjOTw7ov]

Chinese girls, and most asians for the matter, are very submissive.

[Freedjome]

Chinese girls, and most asians for the matter, are very submissive.

lol thats what you think. Most Mainland Chinese girls are the polar opposite of submissive. Japanese girls are submissive, Chinese girls usually are not submissive at all. 60 years of communism completely modernized Chinese women and got rid of all the traditional views toward women and their place in society.

[adariseediups]

Giving women advices on how to dominate men? fag...

[pushokalex1]

I'm not familiar with Chinese culture or subcultures but I assume it has something to with the gender disparity in China. Men will put up with more if there is a lot of competition for a mate, but like I said, I lack familiarity.

Anyway, this woman is like the anti-Anodyne. If I was a comic book hero, she'd be my mortal enemy.


* carry my purse in public
* not complain about carrying my purse in public
* text me his coordinates every hour outside of school/work hours
* spend the weekend with me (except in special circumstances)
* befriend only married female classmates/colleagues
* cook exquisite meals
* buy me a thoughtful present every month
* coax me into forgiving him when he makes a mistake





* a phone call in the mornings before work
* a text during lunch breaks
* a text when leaving work
* a 1,000-character email in the evenings, emoticons not counted
* a phone call before bed to tell me anything he may have left out
* visits every weekend, except in exceptional circumstances (such as company events on Saturday, in which case I went to visit him) Any man who puts up with the above is a sucker. No woman is worth all that nonsense. She's too much of a bitch.

[Wetekemieluth]

lol thats what you think. Most Mainland Chinese girls are the polar opposite of submissive. Japanese girls are submissive, Chinese girls usually are not submissive at all. 60 years of communism completely modernized Chinese women and got rid of all the traditional views toward women and their place in society.

Chinese women in the cities rule over their husbands they got nothing to say. Same in the Philippines the women rule over the husbands but in Vietnam, Mongolia and other countries the women are ruled by their husbands. Singaporean chinese women are real bitches towards their boyfriends and husbands.

[Searmoreibe]

Any man who puts up with the above is a sucker. No woman is worth all that nonsense. She's too much of a bitch.

A man who would put up with that is not much of a man.

[gogona]

A woman who doesn't do dishes, dinner, and laundry sounds inferior to me…

(I mean I prefer feminine women, speaking for myself of course)

[lXvtm0ox]

Chinese women in the cities rule over their husbands they got nothing to say. Same in the Philippines the women rule over the husbands but in Vietnam, Mongolia and other countries the women are ruled by their husbands. Singaporean chinese women are real bitches towards their boyfriends and husbands.

Dunno if you've seen it but Genghis' wife in the movie 'Mongol' is how I expect most Mongolian women are, as it is cultural behaviour found in central Asian Turks and to a lesser extent due to geography, Turks of Turkey. It's definitely an attractive personality imo.

[TravelMan]

Dunno if you've seen it but Genghis' wife in the movie 'Mongol' is how I expect most Mongolian women are, as it is cultural behaviour found in central Asian Turks and to a lesser extent due to geography, Turks of Turkey. It's definitely an attractive personality imo.

It is very common that mongolian women gets beaten by their husbands. They really got nothing to say the men are really dominant I guess the men are still those dominant babarians who once conquered the world it is in their genes to dominate women.

[BodeOmissemia]

WTF, stop pimping our people, I smell agendized propaganda.

[Unlopssesuj]

It is very common that mongolian women gets beaten by their husbands. They really got nothing to say the men are really dominant I guess the men are still those dominant babarians who once conquered the world it is in their genes to dominate women.

That's obviously not what I meant Genghis' wife in the movie is very noble and respectable, and is second in charge in his absence, she has a strong character but doesn't have that forced, insecure, patronising attitude that many women today have as a result of not knowing how to gain a man's respect or equality. She is confident and reliable, call me medieval but that's the perfect woman imo.

[Mediconlinee]

A woman who doesn't do dishes, dinner, and laundry sounds inferior to me…

(I mean I prefer feminine women, speaking for myself of course)

eh, I prefer one who reads comic books, is obsessed with Betty Paige, enjoys zombie films, makes references to late 80s and early 90s cartoons, and listens to the Pixies all day.

Doing dishes, cleaning, making dinner, and laundry is not a big deal; it's just tedious.

The woman who wrote the article I'd probably run over with my car. So damn obnoxious.