[Poothevokprot]

Gareth, very well put. Many times I have said to myself: "If all I'm going to be at kendo is mediocre, then why don't I just quit?" But you keep pushing through, and you come out stronger. You really do. Don't forget all that Zen stuff about detachment!

[HugoSimon]

What an excellent series of posts! I'm glad i took the risk (not that i seriously thought i'd be flamed in this forum, but...) as i feel reinvigorated.

I took the time over the weekend to write up my kendo journal, and to really think about why i felt bad, and what had really happened.

i took too much outside stuff (work worries etc) into the dojo with me which i think definitely impeded me - too much weight on my shoulders.

people at the dojo (where i have found everyone to be very supportive and encouraging) have said on occasion that my kendo is fine/okay/improving but that i am too tense.

and part of that is i realise, that i am afraid of being hit. I know it is natural, but still, at that moment when you know the shinai is going to strike your men, i flinch.

i haven't liked to admit that to myself because i felt like that was kinda weak, but from reading the other posts, i guess most people go through that.

so, although i nearly chickened out this morning when packing my bag ("theres stuff to do round the house/i've got calls to make/work to do....") i'm packed and ready for Keiko tonight.

[Enalsebeerkawl]

Kendo is hard, even if you have a bad or a good day it is always hard to practice seriously on a regular basic. Also when things are going too good....(well you think it's going too good) I feel there is something wrong. I don't like having overconfidence in my kendo, it happened sometimes during some practices when I felt very good in jikeiko.. But I try to get back on earth and tell myself that my kendo is far of being perfect. The problem is you can't see yourself practicing !

Bad kendo days happens quite often to me...when during keiko nothing is working I feel tired...etc...at these time sometimes I will try a big technique, going back on strong basics. If it works it gives me confidence for the rest of the class, if not I go cry in a corner.

Bad or good kendo day.....I always do carefull.

But the best way is to keep on training regulary!

happy kendo!

[Klorissana]

I find it helpful to remember that we don't have to die in keiko any more. The ego might, but at least the body doesn't.

b

[emorbimefed]

And progress can be glacial. This is something that it can be hard to come to terms with - there are occasional breakthroughs but often progress is made in tiny incremental steps.

For many westerners i think the whole experience of Kendo can be overwhelmingly alien - both the atmosphere and rules of the Dojo, and the techniques and disciplines of Kendo - and i think there can be so much to focus on that people are bit disorientated - and hence out of anxiety, talk or appear not to be concentrating.

Once you know how and where to stand, and other elements of Dojo etiquette, that seems to stop of its own accord.

as for worrying about footwork etc - i don't think that ever stops. at keiko the other night, one of the seniors did what looked to me like the most beautiful Do cut one could imagine.

But then our Sensei stepped in and pointed out that his feet were too wide apart, and i looked and thought, "oh yes he's right"

[alecoplesosse]

Matthew,

I know exactly how you feel....... there have been a couple of times where I have really felt like quitting. I'm not just talking being pissed off with myself at being crap. But I have really felt like selling my bogu and quitting Kendo.

The only thing you can do is "Suck it up" as the American's say and continue, you can often find that your next practice is very good and can be one of your best ever.

I have also been told that this is where you should go back to basic's and practice the things you should be doing as second nature.

This is why alot of people say Kendo is character building. Because it tests you and your ability to push yourself beyond where you would normally quit.

I hope this makes sense as I have just been to the pub and had a couple of beers.

[Lipitorseffec]

I have PM'ed James about this.

Just to be clear - I wished to imply nothing bad in any way about either dojo, both of which have fine reputations, I was merely interested in Mingshi's experience. I wish no mud to be slung.

Apologies for any misunderstanding



Dave

[Kristoferson]

Originally posted by Matthew Lagden
whoever gave this thread five stars, thank you! i am pathetically happy about it!

I couldn't have done it....

Its actually four stars....

[koebforfrn]

Originally posted by Matthew Lagden
Any ideas for how to lift your spirits/psyche yourself after a disappointing/poor Keiko (I mean one where you feel you underperformed or could have done better for some reason)?

I came away from last nights Keiko feeling really upset with myself, and now i'm already getting anxious about the next one. I don't want to get into a vicious circle of anxiety and underperformance.

Thanks guys Don't worry too much about it dude, for me a bad experience is actually a good experience because from our bad experiences we are able to identify what we are doing wrong, therefore you will know for the future what you must rectify.

[hacyOrgachbic]

I know my problems are beginners problems... we'll all be working on our footwork, shinai work, shoulders etc. until armageddon or we stop kendo, whichever comes first (or both, as in 'armageddon outta here!').

IMHO it's about learning to focus. At first there IS a lot to take in...eventually we begin to understand what we should be doing, then the problem of actually doing it.
Agree 'mind wondering in beginners etc.' I choose to believe it's not out of disrespect, or laziness, but due to lapse of concentration and unfamiliarity with the surroundings. Observant beginners soon plug into what is happening in the dojo and take responsibility for their own efforts/behaviour, (and reap the rewards).
(that goes for missed DO cuts and other things that get complained about in some threads, most people are trying their best, they're just not good at it yet).

Luckily it is a life-long pursuit, and you can focus on what you need to. If sensei stresses a specific point ,focus on that / in kakari-geiko you can let yourself fly with the best effort at your current level /i f you know something needs work prioritise it in appropriate keiko. If in doubt , back to basic kihon.

You don't have to do everything at once, it's organic, with lots of advances and knock-backs to come.

The good news is you improve, the bad news is (if you are working hard) I doubt it gets much 'easier'.

[avaicavum]

Matthew,

IMHO this should be dealt with in the end of practice mokuso. I try to quickly 'accept' that it was a good practice or bad practice, and then 'let go' of whether it was a good practice or bad practice by recognizing that it really doesn't matter which.

Generally, I feel it is important to allow yourself to have bad days and accept them (but then learn from them). Otherwise, you will get into that rut of making each practice worse than the last because of the stress you are placing on yourself. Nothing ruins good kendo more than stress.