[iouiyyut]

maybe I should have posted this in "concepts" but ive intentionally posted this thread here becouse this question not only matters in kendo, but in your life in general.

personally, kendo speaking, I know that "motivation lost" stuff is something that everyone of us have to pass trough sooner or later, usually in the middle of the transition from kyu to dan. and has happened to me too, sometimes it felt like almost quitting kendo, especially this year when Ive trained so hard like 6 times per week to end up with a broken finger and after 3 or 4 months of inactivity start all over again... but the fact that im about to go for shodan (next week) gave me new strenght.

my intention is not to talk about this particular kendo stuff, becouse this is not an issue right now, my intention is to put it as an example becuse usually I try to apply what I learn in the practice of kendo in the common life, study, relationships, music... and so on.

right now for example I have a BIG test in university, okok is not that big anyway, but ive lost about 8 - 10 clases becouse I was sick on quarantine for a couple of weeks for a damn virus, and in a couple of days I have to face the test with almost no classes at all... but thats not an issue too becouse it is not that hard anyway. the thing is that I have NO motivation in study, specially for that dumb asshole that calls himself teacher. for reasons that I dont yet understand I had him for teacher for more than two years in different classes (personally i dont want to see him AGAIN in my life) can you understand that???!!! and in EVERY TEST with no exeption he had to rise my grades becouse "conviniently oops!" he had mistaken the correction/missed some points/forgot about the guideline... etc, and always with the same old excuses like "your answer is correct but you didnt do it as I told" or "I didnt teach you that, and I dont matter if it is in the book, the answer is right, but not the way I teach so im gonna put it wrong"... or stuff like that. at the end of semester I aprove the course with him anyway (all except one last year). but I had NEVER got the grade that I supose to have or that I deserve he always lower it some way or another. (may be it has to do becouse my dad fired his wife from her work like about 5-7 years ago??)

two years later of seeing the same asshole (YES he is University teacher but he is still a dumbass, and im not kidding), listening to the same stupid excuses IM SICK OF IT and now I have to study but is like my mind says "you gotta study, the clock is ticking" but subconsciently my brain is like "I WONT WORK FOR THIS TEST, PERIOD!". and thats what I point now, last semester I was like so motivated (even had a girlfriend) that besides my normal classes I even took an advanced class that I didnt had to take until next year and I studied and I aproved it as no big deal even that I didnt had none of the prerequisites for it (complex analysis), but right now I have only 3 important courses nothing else! and only one of this is hard level the another two are only in medium difficulty (besides another 2 more easy ones but this doesnt count as courses at all becouse they are so easy that almost aproves by themselves) so generally this should be no problem but right now really feels like dying. Im so damn stressed that im thinking about quitting this semester and start again next year

again this is an example, everyone of us have a different way of life, some work, or have a family, some study, some are still in school, etc. but I really dont know why, and I dont know if it only happens to me or is natural thing in everyone else, that there is a point that is like your mind says "no more of this s*it" no matter as much as you like it. thats why I putted kendo as an example, I love kendo but there was some time when even that I still love it i wanted to quit, this is the same, I love college and study and all this stuff but right now I just wanna travel some place away fom all this worthless and meaningless crap. and like deep inside of me right now I dont give a damn about the test or anything that involves university. I right now im taking a look at about 40 notebooks and a mountain of loose papers made or written by me trough all this years, that should be about 1500 to two thousands solved problems (no kidding) from all this books that I have, and all hours of study and all that stuff that sincerilly right nor feels like this means nothin at all. I try to remember what Ive learned in this 4 years of kendo and make it fit this situation but right now nothing works. I wish that I could study by osmosis hahaha.

ever happenes to you something like this? in some way in your life/work/relationships/kendo/etc??
i know that this is not exactly kendo related, but in some way it is, becouse kendo is more like a way of life, but today it doesnt seems to help at all.
have you ever feel the same? what have you done to overcome it? in other words what waza have you used to achieve ippon in front of a stronger or bigger enemy? I ask becouse some advice or tip may be usefull for all of us that, I supose, have been, are, or will be in the same situation but have never talked about it.

I hope I dont get flamed...