[vNQmO2BF]

Hi everyone, just before I start, it isn't as bad as it sounds, I just couldn't think of any other way to put it..

Basically I've been Buddhist for quite a while now and it's helped me see things differently and get through some difficult patches in my life. But, I really enjoyed it when my positive actions gained feedback like a smile or a hug (if you know what I mean) but increasingly I find myself frustrated by people who seem not to care what I've done to help them. (even petty stuff like not saying thankyou for holding a door). Which leads me on to my next issue, my friends I feel are leaving me, everyone is going off to Uni and everyone else who isn't are starting new lives and I'm loosing touch. Just for example I was talking to a friend on Facebook and I was verbally abused by her brother I presume it certainly wasn't her. Other friends are just ignoring me, I comment on their looks and personality, trying to make them feel good and the like I get no response back.

I'm also struggling because of my exam results, I did very poorly and subsequently I feel like I've let a lot of people down.

If someone could offer some advice I would be so grateful if not, it's been a good opportunity to get some stuff off my chest.

Regards,

BigEckk

[gactanync]

Hi BigEckk

Letting go of friends isn't easy. Sooner or later we all have to face that.

But being or feeling alone for a Buddhist should not be a burden, it is a lesson in letting go. Being alone is being all-one.

You said your friends are not caring for what you've done for them. I understand they are not being grateful, and that is not OK. But an expectant attitude is a burdensome construct for both, your friends as much as for yourself. The best way of doing something to help someone is with an independent mind and light-hearted.

If I were you I'd start with defining a goal for myself and let that be the judge (rather than some people or daily disappointments).

[LoveTTatall]

g'day BigEckk

the life stage you are going through is certainly one where many school friends go their own way as they define their adult path. this is where the diversity of individual beings begins to reveal itself. in my experience, we lose touch with most of our school group & remain life long friends with only a few

as for your exams, these are important, but you could only do your best. i cannot offer too much advice because university was certainly a challenge for me and i only just scraped through. for me, there were many distractions &, generally, a lack of true enthusiasm. but things were easier back then, including free university. therefore my parents were not required to finance my 'studies'

my only advice is to reflect on the necessity of education & try to improve your causes & conditions by freeing the mind of any hindering distractions

**

also, you sound quite loyal and i recall your post about your former girlfriend. all i can say here is when our heart feels friendship, this is a testament to our capacity for friendship & loyalty. but i cannot agree that you lost a lover and may have also lost a friend.

we can never lose true friends. emotions of romantic &/or sexual love can come & go, but true friendship is never lost nor does it vacillate. i would suggest to let go of the idea that you lost a true friend. true friends do not abandon us, even when their romantic interest may cease

i was young once & once had two 'lovers'. although that kind of 'love' ceased with both, my innate friendship with one of them has never ceased

**

buddha taught karma is intention. although, in our learning of life, our plans often do not come to fruition, it is the quality of our intentions that nurture us & carry us through

to me, your posts seem to focus on a concern for friendship. that being the case, such aspirations can only bring you good karma in the long term because it reflects a quality of genuineness about yourself

buddha taught friendliness (metta), karuna (compassion), appreciation (mudita) & upeka (equinimity) are the best of human emotions

kind regards

element

[TriamiCaw]

Thank you both.

Things are slowly getting better. I'm starting to set my self goals for each day, which is helping a lot. I have been reassured by so many people that things will get better but to hear it from - no offence - a stranger means a lot. My friends are being real weird at the moment and I'm finding it difficult to find someone to turn to. But like I said there slowly getting better, little things are making feel like there's still a little hope (which is all you need really). Thank you both again

[VewCoorkPow]

Hi,
what hapened to you is quite normal, it´s even good to leave your not so good friends behind.
My children also don´t understand me. But i know that what i reached, a billions of humans can´t reach that.
You can do that all on your own, as Gotamo Buddho did, so did I. The teaching is understandable by a man who is understanding.
Do the 8fold path and you will get more rewards as in ordinary live. You don´t need Gurus and mass meditation. It´s better you do it on your own, like the teaching instruction said.

anando

[U5pz6B71]

I think feelings of being misunderstood and of consequential feelings of loneliness are pretty common among aspiring Buddhists because I think when we start examining ourselves and what we do, it becomes disappointing for us that others don't seem to be doing the same. This means we are still judging them on our terms, not really accepting the fact that they want happiness and to avoid suffering in their lives just as much as we do but are lacking the opportunities the Buddhist practice brings and which you are so fortunate enough to have come across.

About your exam results - put them behind you and assess where you are now in the present moment and like Element advises, examine your intentions. Where do you want to go from here? And by you I mean you, not your friends - they will go their own ways, which might cross yours again some time in the future or may not. When I was 16 I took school exams in eight subjects and passed just one. I was as surprised as were my parents and my teachers and devastated. Fortunately my father advised me to go to a college of further education and study for the exams again and this time I gained another six passes, which led me to continue studying at that college and eventually go to and graduate from university. I don't know what your situation is with your family but on reflecting on your intentions and where to go from here, you should consider asking for your parents' advice and yes even he advice of these friends of yours.