[sallythetolly]

How does a Buddhist perform an act of remembrance for a lost loved one? Would it be flowers on the grave, light a candle or say a prayer or mantra if so which ones? I would imagine it varies depending on tradition, I'd be interested to hear about all the traditions but particularly the Tibetan Buddhist way.
Thank you
Gary

[i6mbwwdh]

Hi Gary,

Some Tibetan Buddhists light a candle and say the short wishing prayer for rebirth in Dewachen (said 3 times) which is followed by the short dedication prayer for rebirth in Dewachen (Dewachen is believed to be the Pure Land of a Buddha called Amitabha)

These prayers are usually part of Chenrezi Puja. The mantra Om Mani Padme Hung can also be recited. Chenrezi is a bodhisattva deity visualised for deity practice in Tibetan Buddhism.

URL

You can listen to an audio of Chenrezi Puja (Sadhana) here:URL

Arrangements can also be made at centres for the lighting of candles, offerings, and other prayers to be said for the deceased.

Kind regards,

Aloka

[nuabuncarnigo]

Hello Gary

In the Theravada tradition, one makes gifts & offerings (charity) on behalf of the deceased and dedicates that merit to them.

In five ways, young householder, a child should minister to his parents as the East:

(i) Having supported me I shall support them,
(ii) I shall do their duties,
(iii) I shall keep the family tradition,
(iv) I shall make myself worthy of my inheritance,
(v) Furthermore I shall offer donations (dakkhiṇā) in honor of my departed relatives.

Commentary: This is a sacred custom of the Aryans who never forgot the dead. This tradition is still faithfully observed by the Buddhists of Sri Lanka who make ceremonial offerings of alms to the monks on the eighth day, in the third month and on each anniversary of the demise of the parents. Merit of these good actions is offered to the departed after such ceremony. Moreover after every punna-kamma (good action), a Buddhist never fails to think of his parents and offer merit. Such is the loyalty and the gratitude shown to parents as advised by the Buddha.

Sigalovada Sutta

[Frinzer]

n the Theravada tradition, one makes gifts & offerings (charity) on behalf of the deceased and dedicates that merit to them.

I was just about to post that. In Sri Lanka, we have these alms givings, which can either be charitable offerings to say an orphanage or to monks in terms of food, clothing and other items.

Also, there's another thing where a monk would come in and give a sermon in the dhamma, as a way of helping people cope with loss. This is done, for a reason unknown to me, 7 days after the death of a person, then in 7 months and then on the death anniversary annually.

[Arexytece]

Dakkhiṇā (f.) [Vedic dakṣiṇā to dakṣ as in daśasyati to honour, to consecrate, but taken as f. of dakkhiṇa & by grammarians expl. as gift by the "giving" (i. e. the right) hand with popular analogy to dā to give (dadāti)] a gift, a fee, a donation; a donation given to a "holy" person with ref. to unhappy beings in the Peta existence ("Manes"), intended to induce the alleviation of their sufferings; an intercessional, expiatory offering

PTS

[addifttiest]

Thank you for your replies.
Gary

[GWRIeEQp]

Dear Gary,

A few days ago I were in a burial ceremony of a neighborhood that died in an accident. I live in a Catholic country. So, being a buddhist I realy did not knew what to do. All people was praying. Being not a Catholic and not being used to prayers or any sort religious rite, I just decided to join to some of those prayers so to give some relief to the family that lost his beloved relative. After that I but some flowers to put them over the grave and I sit quietly in seiza position and did zazen for a while...

But anyway, as element has wrote:

In the Theravada tradition, one makes gifts & offerings (charity) on behalf of the deceased and dedicates that merit to them.

so, I feel, this is the most reasonable thing to do.

[loan4younow]

Hello,
Tomorrow is the first anniversary of the death of my dear brother.
I have his picture on my shrine and remember him and my parents every day in my prayers.
I really feel in my heart that he has a fortunate re-birth, Pureland.
I also feel that I still have too much attachment at times but fortunately my brothers family say that my words often help them. They are not Buddhist but very spiritual.
Any way I am waffling, sorry.
I try to follow a Tibetan Buddhist path.
I wonder if you could tell me which prayers I could add tomorrow please.

[TaxSheemaSter]

Hi Rainbow,

If you are following a Tibetan Buddhist path then I would suggest you light a candle and make an offering on behalf of your brother and then recite and/or play the audio of Chenrezi prayers mentioned #1.

Kind regards,

Aloka-D

[gkruCRi1]

Dear Aloka-D,
Thank you very much.

Best Wishes,
Rainbow