[PaulCameron]

One of our forum members, Jack, asked about falling in love in relation to "attachment". Because this happens in our life, is it important to consider Love Commitment as an important aspect for the practice with what Buddha taught? At least in Zen we are encouraged to keep love commitment as a way to improve our practice, our awakening and the development of Right View.

Do you consider love commitment as a way through which we can have a deep commitment with what Buddha taught?

Or it is needed to give up this aspect of our life so to practice the Buddha teachings?

Any comments?

[ladleliDypenue]

As I mentioned in the other thread, having a single person that I'm close to has been a really good opportunity for personal growth for me. It hasn't just been an opportunity to explore my capacity for devotion to others, but I've had a chance to work on my anger, to work on conflict resolution, and all sorts of other things that have helped me achieve greater peace in other areas of my life.

I can see how it would be a problem, if people decide they only need to apply these things to their partner. However, loving at least one other person deeply and making a commitment to them has given me empathy for others that I had trouble with before. Probably a good thing.

[prpaims]

As I mentioned in the other thread, having a single person that I'm close to has been a really good opportunity for personal growth for me. It hasn't just been an opportunity to explore my capacity for devotion to others, but I've had a chance to work on my anger, to work on conflict resolution, and all sorts of other things that have helped me achieve greater peace in other areas of my life.

I can see how it would be a problem, if people decide they only need to apply these things to their partner. However, loving at least one other person deeply and making a commitment to them has given me empathy for others that I had trouble with before. Probably a good thing.

Thanks Cobalt,

When I first came into Zen practice in a deep way, I was encouraged in attending my commitment of love with my couple. That the relationship with him was a way for practice the teaching. In Zen it is unwholesome to run away from the mundane, from the daily life challenges. I was told to explore deeply the realization of the Dana Paramita so to understood this.

[Pypeassesty]

I think there's a selfish love which is based heavily on attachment. Then there's the unselfish loving kindness which is universal and is not based on any attachments. Maybe in love commitments, we should always try to cultivate the unselfish type of love and slowly let go of the selfish kind.

The selfish kind is what gets you in trouble. Say the person dies, you go like "MY whoever passed" or the person left you we will go "MY whoever left me, how could they".

it's difficult to do, because if we were to get rid of the selfish kind of love, then we really don't need love commitments do we? You would love everyone in an unselfish manner, equally.

I should also add, that the situation might be very different, if you came across such insight while committed to a person, it would be against the unselfish kind of "loving kindness" to leave that person based on new found insight, because that person would depend on your commitment to them. If this is the case, then like cobalt says, maybe keeping the commitment would just open up new avenues of improving the understanding of what the Buddha taught.

This is my understanding of it, I don't abide by it.

[ulw7A8Po]

Maybe in love commitments, we should always try to cultivate the unselfish type of love and slowly let go of the selfish kind.

Yes, absolutely... selfishness or unselfishness is not inherent to a potential commitment of love with somebody; selfishness or unselfishness are rooted in the way we understood a commitment of love, because to be alone can be rooted also in a selfish view about life facts.