[pymnConyelell]

But watching myself squirm with the anxiety, fearing that maybe I have a horrible true self and everyone recognizes it

Sometimes, people try to treat disorders merely with Dhamma practice. Your practice definitely works but it takes time. Clear results are in the long run. In the meantime, you have to be kind to yourself and recognize that you need to win small battles in order to win the war. If you think that you are constantly down with anxiety or irrational fear which is overwhelming, it is time to get medical care.

Btw, I am not enlightened so you are not alone.