[GalasaKoll]

Hi Truelotus

Thank you for sharing your story, I think I understand what you mean when you describe joy and the way you have experienced it.

I have also been meditating daily for around 2 years and suffer from depression as well. I have had some peace and contentment from my practice, but joy definitely eludes me. In my opinion, it may be around our definition of what joy is. To you it sounds like a near death experience affected you and you were joyous that you were still alive. I'm fortunate enough not to have had to deal with that sort of experience, however, I can understand how it would affect you in this way.

For me personally, the word joy brings up thoughts of a 'better' or 'happier' experience in life. These words make me frustrated as though it's something I should be achieving. When I remind myself that these things are just thoughts and feelings coming and going I realise I can let go of them, and they will pass.

I'm only just starting to study the suttas, but I have already found them incredibly helpful in understanding suffering, impermanance, and not-self. Along with the advice I have received here, I'm starting to have a degree of equanimity and stability in practice. I think Kaarine Alejandra's comment around 'just do it because' (mentioned in another post) rings true to me. At the end of the day, all we can do is try to be with how things are, joy, happiness, fear, anxiety, whatever. I keep practicing because it has had a positive effect on my life and I aspire to be free. Whether it happens or not doesn't matter, at least I'm not harming anyone

Hi, Jade Rabbit,

OK, I'm responding after the quote mark, but then can't address you paragraph by paragraph. You are correct, I have a bit of attachment to the joy that welled up inside of me, and stayed for around 7 months. It was actually kind of supernatural and I wonder where it came from and whether it is still in there somewhere.

Being a person who is frequently depressed, part of the Mindful Way Through Depression, is, indeed, as you mention above, that they are only thoughts. Thoughts are only as important as you make them. Then, sometimes when I get depressed, I also have a sensation of "heaviness" and not only do I say "these are just thoughts" but also "these are just sensations".

Yes, and then with anxiety, both cognitive behavioral therapist and Mindfulness, you just have to accept your anxiety thoughts and feelings. I hate the feeling, but there is nothing else to do, than just accept it, and wait for it to pass. Fighting it makes it worse.

As you say above, I have not studied the suttras very much, and I think the important thing with meditation is to just do it. Even if you don't find enlightenment, or bliss or joy, IMHO, it does have positive mental health benefits. I do like to compare it to learning the piano, since I play the piano. You get "better" (for lack of a better term) the more you practice.

Best,
True

With UNGODLY HOLY SH*T fall color and being 80F, clear skies, I wonder what state I'm living in 8)