[M1zdL0hh]

my parents worked all their lives and barely made a living. we all squeezed in two room (NOT two-bedroom, just two rooms, kitchen, bathroom) apartment, 41sq meters, 4 people. my parents working, later on mum was on government benefits, partially crippled in an accident, my brother working since school, not able to afford even to rent a room, me at school and then uni. where do you imagine an old person would fit in here? who would care for them and how?

even now i do not know if i could take care of my parents. i live comfortably and i could easily afford help here in DR but would my parents leave poland at old age and come to live in DR? they do not speak languages, they have never been abroad, they know no one here.

i think about all this every day. my parents are getting older, my brother is getting weirder (long story, don't ask).

[ThomasMannfanny]

La Morena,

Please do not think that all Dominicans are poor and would not be able to pay a home for their parents. It is not only a question of money but a cultural one and one of respect for their parents.

Hmmmmmm, did I say that ALL Dominicans were poor? And the last time I checked the figures were 49% of Diminicans living below poverty level, certainly not all but a damn good majority. You keep thinking its only cultural if that makes you feel better. Again I challenge someone with the $$$ to throw around and good business sense to open up a few "old folks homes" free to those who can't afford and salary scale for those who can and then give me the statistics on how many abuelos y abuelas remain in the family home.
The comment was made that we, as Americans, don't care for our elderly with is not true for the majority, it is a matter of work/lifestyle and means. Don't assume about my people and I won't assume about yours (nanny nanny boo boo)

[yqpY4iw6]

My mother-in-law has lived with us since 2005. We just built the new house in Jarabacoa and made sure it would accomodate her. She decided a month ago she would rather live in her old tin roofed house because as she said " it fits her " So, now we pay a maid/housekeeper/companion to help her.
Here in Canada I just bought a house with a two bedroom walkout basement apartment (1000 sq ft) I invited my parents to live in it, free. My mom would move in, in a heartbeat but my dad says he would rather stay in their apartment ( $900 plus utilities). I have no issues with family living with me, as long as they are not too difficult to live with, and even then I'm willing to bend quite a ways.

[CDCL7WKJ]

I love the DR for many reasons, but most of all for the familly component.

In North America and Europe we have "Retirement Homes" where we park our parents so that people can take care of them.

I have not seen this in the DR, famillies take care of their old parents. They do this with love and respect in most cases. Old parents will help with the children and participate in the familly life, they don't sit in an aseptic room waiting to see il they will have a visit from their children.

We have alot to learn from Dominicans.

I used to think like this and wish we could return to a less complicated lifestyle which is more family focused but often it's often not because people in US and Europe dont care and just park their parents but that they have moved areas for opportunities (encouraged by their parents who have pushed for their education and bigger and better opportunities) and as in many cases both parents go out to work for the improved lifestyle that more cash offers for themselves and their own kids the 'growing up years' are more family focused - but don't be fooled and think things would be the same in DR if they had more opportunities and a better economy and a better education - in better off families there is often a nurse maid to help! Culture is only at the root of this because there is not many choices and it used to be the same in US and Europe but things change and adapt.

To be truthful the only thing i have learnt from my dominican husband of 11 years and many of his friends is that he - and only some of them send money home to mum as is expected by them - in his case subsidised by me! but he and they do nothing else but expect aunts, sisters or neighbours (rarely men) to help and do the caring and if god forbid anyone dies or is seriously ill they nearly ask their friends (well the ones who've abandoned their gringo families for a street lifestyle) to help with money (no saving ever going on) so they can go home - which always involves some partying and not sitting by bedsides mopping brows and doing housework.

my husband has shown no respect for me or my family and even on the day of my dad's funeral was calling a latina to say te amo and when my mum had a severe stroke a few weeks later he was busy doing the business with her whilst i was looking after my mum with him shouting abuse at me when I cried and complained about the other woman who was equally disrespectful

I also think many abuse their exended families by getting them to look after their kids whilst both the men and women are out partying, living with other partners who dont want to bring up another persons kids (there is a lot of resentment in this area with families suffering because of dads philandering) - and as is often the case, living in another country looking for an opportunity, which often means marrying a gringo

i used to visit a friend in DR (not very well off or educated but ok people) and never knew whose kids were whose but whilst the adults sat around drinking and talking about music and showing off their mobile phones and taking photos of themselves, the oldies were cooking and cleaning anf the kids had nothing to play with, nothing to do and no one to talk to - there seemed to no interest shown in their education, no books for them to read and pens for them to draw. the most entertaining thing expected of them was to wiggle their asses to music.

the old people i know who are too infirm to care for the family will i know be cared for by their families (as will any disabled or mentally handicapped which most families seem to have) but for the rest who are just getting on in years and still healthy are dumped on to do the cooking, cleaning and caring

at least our fit old people have a chance to have a second wind like recycled teenagers and do enjoyable things for themselves - it's about balance and giving everyone the chance for fullfilment

[Krruqgwt]

my husband has shown no respect for me or my family and even on the day of my dad's funeral was calling a latina to say te amo and when my mum had a severe stroke a few weeks later he was busy doing the business with her whilst i was looking after my mum with him shouting abuse at me when I cried and complained about the other woman who was equally disrespectful

Pathetic.

Seek counseling. You have a serious self-esteem issue.

~ZERO~ sympathy.

Don't blame a culture to excuse your sankie.

[v74ClzKY]

Pathetic.
Seek counseling. You have a serious self-esteem issue.
~ZERO~ sympathy.

She does not need counseling.
She simply needs to get rid of that leech beside her.

Don't blame a culture to excuse your sankie.

She is not blaming the 'culture' (although in her case she could rightfully do so), she is blaming her useless husband, who seems to deserve it.

11 years is a long time suffering....
She does have my sympathy.

donP

[Krruqgwt]

She does not need counseling.
She simply needs to get rid of that leech beside her.


She is not blaming the 'culture' (although in her case she could rightfully do so), she is blaming her useless husband, who seems to deserve it.

11 years is a long time suffering....
She does have my sympathy.

donP

Her fault. If she had any self-respect, she'd have dumped him a loooooong time ago...

[v74ClzKY]

Her fault. If she had any self-respect, she'd have dumped him a loooooong time ago...

On that I agree, 11 years is too long a time.
However, we do not know the circumstances of this 'marriage'...

Anyway, she vented and I hope she feels better now.

donP

[VowJoyday]

Here we had two different opinions from suzannel and ade neither one of their posts are wrong. One see the Dominican family aspect totally different then the other.Not one thing in ade post was untrue because I have witness the same thing in MANY different barrios in DR.

BTW ade did not insult anyone in her post. You do not need to insult anyone to make your argument. Why is this so difficult " Hello ade I disagree with your post because__________"

To the OP unless you have SPENT time with every family on the planet and have spent a lot of time with EVERY Dominican family in the DR, how can you make a statement like " we have alot to learn from Dominicans " if this is how you feel just remove one word and add another write " I have alot to learn from Dominicans". Its not COOL to include the planet in your opinion.

[CDCL7WKJ]

i dont blame culture i blame mine and some other dominicans i have experience of for the lack of respect and education about other people ways and ideas. i love so many aspects of DR and respect my husbands family as they are good people but he is typical of many men who think machismo means controlling and doing what he likes. machismo in eurpoe and usa is a man who often prefers to be the bread winner and does not like his wife earning her own money and going out and about with her friends. he doesnt lift a finger in the house and is frustrated as any dominican guy with modern men who take part in rearing a family and enjoy the benefits of their wife working etc. dominican men here though seem quite happy to have their women working, paying the bills, doing the chores and them going out partying and that includes picking up women, which goes on in every culture but is frowned upon in most - my husbands sister is amrried to a greek and she has to stay home with the kids, isnt allowed to go out clubbing and has to care for the family but he put money and food on the table - this works for some couples and doesnt for others

[CDCL7WKJ]

you can criticise all you like about my self esteem and i agree it's low but i'm not looking for sympathy, i know my mistakes and take responsibilty for them but you shouldnt judge me - i am explaining what i have experienced and the way i see many of the people that live here - i know very few women having a good time with their guys. my man isnt here now - he prefers the calle and latina women of the calle but that doesnt mean i hate all dr men or women or even him - he must have some good points for me to have wasted so much time with him.

[UncoonsKala]

Outside looking in, it sure looks nice to see the family pitching in. And historically yes it's true that the parents are the children's responsibility.

But from my experiences, the machismo culture does get in the way of a lot of things. For example while men may contribute money to the taking care of the grandma, it's usually the female daughters that are physically and with time taking care of the parents.

Also, siblings are constantly fighting here over grandma's assets, or who has to pay more to equalize...

[VowJoyday]

you can criticise all you like about my self esteem and i agree it's low but i'm not looking for sympathy, i know my mistakes and take responsibilty for them but you shouldnt judge me - i am explaining what i have experienced and the way i see many of the people that live here - i know very few women having a good time with their guys. my man isnt here now - he prefers the calle and latina women of the calle but that doesnt mean i hate all dr men or women or even him - he must have some good points for me to have wasted so much time with him.

I am sorry you are going through this and I hope it works out for you. Mrs Ade NEVER let another human have the POWER to determine if you are HAPPY or SAD. A spouse is like DESSERT after dinner, its nice to have but not NECESSARY!!!

[nanyaHgoc]

I used to think like this and wish we could return to a less complicated lifestyle which is more family

i used to visit a friend in DR (not very well off or educated but ok people) and never knew whose kids were whose but whilst the adults sat around drinking and talking about music and showing off their mobile phones and taking photos of themselves, the oldies were cooking and cleaning anf the kids had nothing to play with, nothing to do and no one to talk to - there seemed to no interest shown in their education, no books for them to read and pens for them to draw. the most entertaining thing expected of them was to wiggle their asses to music.

So in an American BARRIO, men cook and clean while women and kids sit around educational toys talking about literature, culture and international affairs? LOL

[Npbfamgt]

you can criticise all you like about my self esteem and i agree it's low but i'm not looking for sympathy, i know my mistakes and take responsibilty for them but you shouldnt judge me - i am explaining what i have experienced and the way i see many of the people that live here - i know very few women having a good time with their guys. my man isnt here now - he prefers the calle and latina women of the calle but that doesnt mean i hate all dr men or women or even him - he must have some good points for me to have wasted so much time with him.

Hindsight's 20/20. Sorry you're going through this. No one deserves to be mistreated.

[Mello]

Hmmmmmm, did I say that ALL Dominicans were poor? And the last time I checked the figures were 49% of Diminicans living below poverty level, certainly not all but a damn good majority. You keep thinking its only cultural if that makes you feel better. Again I challenge someone with the $$$ to throw around and good business sense to open up a few "old folks homes" free to those who can't afford and salary scale for those who can and then give me the statistics on how many abuelos y abuelas remain in the family home.
The comment was made that we, as Americans, don't care for our elderly with is not true for the majority, it is a matter of work/lifestyle and means. Don't assume about my people and I won't assume about yours (nanny nanny boo boo)

Just wanted to say.. I was 15 years old, we were upper middle class living in Coral Gables, Fl in a house worth about 900k US now.. My greatgrandmother was 88 years old still living with my both my parents, and both of my siblings all under the same roof. Other members of my family told my mom to send her off to a home for old people somewhere, and my mom said that she would die before she would let someone else take care of her grandmother. We are dominican, and rich or poor, we take care of our elders. I don't care what kind of assumptions you are trying to make based on some hypothetical scenario. The majority of the americans I knew while spending my 20 years of living in the US, military service, college education, choose to send their elders off to resthomes or retirement communities.. it's a fact that Dominicans have a more intimate and deeper connection with their elders than Americans do. sorry.

[risyGreeple]

In all fairness...
in most 1st world countries ,most family members are working or going to college etc
hardly anybody is home during the day
lots of grandparents have their own pensions
its not about a less or not so deep connection
Manu

[skydaypat]

Just wanted to say.. I was 15 years old, we were upper middle class living in Coral Gables, Fl in a house worth about 900k US now.. My greatgrandmother was 88 years old still living with my both my parents, and both of my siblings all under the same roof. Other members of my family told my mom to send her off to a home for old people somewhere, and my mom said that she would die before she would let someone else take care of her grandmother. We are dominican, and rich or poor, we take care of our elders. I don't care what kind of assumptions you are trying to make based on some hypothetical scenario. The majority of the americans I knew while spending my 20 years of living in the US, military service, college education, choose to send their elders off to resthomes or retirement communities.. it's a fact that Dominicans have a more intimate and deeper connection with their elders than Americans do. sorry.

Are there any rest homes or retirement communities in the DR?

[JohnMaltczevitch]

at least in the US we don't stick our kids with grammy or auntie to raise.

[Teeppoodiug]

Are there any rest homes or retirement communities in the DR?

There are rest homes, I don't know how many or where they are. Every time Mr. AE's brother goes to his property in Ocoa, he and his wife stop at one and donate large bags of rice and dried beans, etc., to them. We were with them a couple of times, one story building, rather like a large house, fenced/gated, neat and clean.